My rants, raves and random thoughts

Letting go, what do we fear most?

2012-01-07T12:28:00.003-05:00

It's been 3 years, 4 months and 3 days since mom passed away. For one reason or the other, we left all her belongings pretty much untouched all this while. I am not sure why we were holding onto her stuff while, we knew first hand that we couldn't hold onto her when the 'time' came. Somehow now, we finally gathered the strength and will to de-clutter dad's house and that naturally meant 'settle' mom's stuff.

The last few days have been extremely emotional for us and today, somehow I felt like I was losing mom all over again.
For me, all these years I didn't have the nerve to touch mom's stuff because I wanted to perhaps preserve a piece of her by seeing and feeling the things she left behind, the stuff she last touched, last settled... Looking at her sarees and touching and feeling her warm shawls helped us remember her in those sarees and feel her warm presence and touch.
Although, we took them out many many times in the last 3 years, we promptly put them back in their place because that is where mom kept them and we just didn't want to change that. I think somewhere in our heart of hearts we wished, by keeping her things as is, unchanged, our lives would remain unchanged too.
Mom was very meticulous even in collecting her memorabilia, she had a keepsake kept safely for every little or big event in her life. So, looking through her things we almost always relived our times with her. Does that mean we started getting attached to her stuff like we were attached to her?...I do not know..
I do not know the ways of the heart and why we feel certain way about certain things, but settling mom's stuff now, even after 3 years, has been very difficult and even discarding otherwise trivial stuff, like her rubber bands, old clips, etc., felt almost like we were losing her all over again.
I started missing her even more now and started suddenly feeling a bit possessive over her things. Is it fear that I may forget those memories that these things rake in me? May be?
Since, I have been away during the last 14 years of mom's life and spent time only in bits and pieces during those short trips to India, I feel most of my strongest memories of her are from the time before that and so I tend to look for things like things I brought for her or the stuff she gifted us in the last few years to remind me of the times I spent with her recently. I think that's perhaps the reason why I fear losing those memories when the 'stuff' that rakes so many of them is taken away. Do I really need this "stuff" to remind me of my mother? I hope not. I know my mother, my dearest mommy is locked up in a special place in my system and she will, forever be a part of me and part of everything I do and do not do.
Love you so much mommy and miss you even more, we 'settled' your stuff, but that doesn't mean we are settled without you...we are still just learning to live without you and what really gets us going is this belief that you are watching over us from wherever you are.

Our Annamma, a second mother to me

2011-12-15T12:16:00.016-05:00

What an year it has been for our family....my last post has been an eulogy for my uncle, Rammavayya and this one is for my grandmother, Smt Kilaru Annapura Devi who passed away on Dec 13th, 2011. Needless to say, it has been a rough few months for us, but I don't want to make this post a downer and want to try and commemorate my grandmother and celebrate her life.
She has been a very important, influencing and contributing chapter in my life and I can say confidently, in the lives of many others in our family.
My grandmother, Smt Kilaru Annapurna Devi, true to her name (Annapurna is the Hindu Goddess of nourishment) has always been the caretaker of the family. Kilaru Annapurna Devi to the world, but Annamma (technically Ammamma - Amma's amma - mother's mother, but we call her Annamma - probably because she played the role of Amma to our brother- Anna) to me and many others. As people from far and near got to know the news of her passing away, they started contacting us and remembering her and it is amazing how all of them universally remember her as a hard-working, strong, resilient, care-taker who always put others first and quietly assumed the various roles that others needed her to.
When life threw curve balls at her, she showed her resilience and each time drew strength from the added responsibilities she took on due the circumstances. Having lost her husband, my grandfather (Tatagaru) at a very young age of 38, she drew strength from her responsibility to raise her young children. Then later, she faced the most dreaded loss of her elder daughter and quietly assumed the role of the mother to her grandchildren. Eventhough she was already at an age when a lot of her contemporaries were enjoying retired life and responsibility-free fun-time with their grandkids, our Annamma took on the responsibility of raising her grandchildren as their mother and more than fulfilled this role of hers. At the same time, due to the health issues that my mother faced, she even tried to extend herself to care for us as and when needed. All of this she did without ever complaining or feeling sorry for herself. She made us feel special as though we were the world for her.
To me, my Annamma has been a symbol of warmth and comfort. We always looked forward to visiting her home in Vijayawada during our holidays only to be pampered and spoilt by her. She was the quiet organizer at home who somehow knew all our little whims and fancies and quietly just fulfilled them for us. We looked forward to her coming to our home so we could sleep with her at night and listen to her tell us about her childhood and about her times with our grandfather. She often told us how her memories of the times with Tatagaru were enough for her to live even after his passing. We knew our grandfather only through her recollections of him and she made sure all of us, his grandchildren knew him and are also proud of our lineage and our grandfather, Sri. Kilaru Gangadhara Rao.
To me, my Annamma has been a symbol of strength and support. She was always part of any occasion big or small in our family and she was just not a part, but the one that we relied heavily on for either advice, physical help or emotional support. She was always there to celebrate with us, support us through difficult times and worry for us and with us. She always worried about us and tried to think two steps ahead to arrange things for us.
To me, my Annamma has been a symbol of selflessness and continuous accommodation. I have never ever seen her put herself first, she has always been accommodating and thinking of others first. I have never seen her even enjoy her favorite fruit, Mango without checking on everyone else in the house first. She was very adaptive to new places and conditions and open-minded to learn and appreciate varied cultures and customs as she welcomed grand-daughters-in-law and grand-sons-in-law from various cultures and beliefs.
To me, my Annamma has also been a symbol of wisdom. Her wisdom comes not from any formal education, but from her life. She was an avid reader and strongly believed God is within us, especially in our good deeds and good intentions. She was amazingly broad minded and worldly wise for her age and times and always willing to learn from her life experiences. She taught us how to make most of our life experiences, how to be strong and how to accept any situation and move right on without spending too much time brooding over it.
In short, I feel very lucky to have had a grandmother like Annamma who was and is a second mother to me. Although, I miss her terribly and miss talking to her, miss her pampering and fussing, I am happy thinking she is in a better place now, reunited with her loved ones.
Annamma, after all that you have done for all of us and everyone around you throughout your life, you deserve nothing short of a heavenly life now, and I hope that is what God has in store for you now.

To our dear Rammavayya

2011-09-13T04:35:00.000-04:00

I never even in my wildest dreams or rather nightmares imagined I would be writing this some day. Here is an eulogy I wrote for my uncle, Dr. Prasad R Kilaru, who for the world retired as the Chairman of the Department of Anesthesiology, Baystate Health Center, Springfield, MA
Here it is:

Dr. Prasad Kilaru, to the world he was a physician, friend, mentor and many other things, but for us he is our dear Rammavayya - we know him as our mother’s best friend, closest brother and our dearest uncle whose annual visits to India we used to look forward to.

Although he was always on the other side of the globe for us, he made sure he never made us feel the distance and always assured us and was by our side lending his strong shoulders to lean on whenever needed. He was always just a phone call away and just listening to his voice on the phone gave our mother and our grandmother a lot of energy and optimism. Rammavayya, was our mother’s younger brother. But, we saw a different side of him when he was with our mother. He was everything to her - a friend who always listened to her, a brother who consoled and comforted her and even a father at times to pamper her. He showed us what it is to be a loyal brother, loving son and an excellent husband and father.

Any crisis in the family, we always turned to Rammavayya since he always knew the right way to handle any situation. He never ever shyed away from taking on any responsibility and he never said ‘No’ to anything we asked or didn’t ask and quietly assumed the different roles that people around him needed him to.

He was the hardest working individual we knew and taught us how to build the mental strength to accept any situation and deal with it head-on. He protected us with his energy and positivity even while fighting his own battle with this dreaded disease.
We feel truly blessed and proud to have shared whatever little time with him. The world has been impacted in many many positive ways by him and he is leaving behind a legacy that is hard to emulate.

While I was writing the above, it made me wonder why we don't often appreciate or make an effort to think of all the positives in a person while they are here and why we do all that when they are not here anymore. A popular telugu saying: 'Poyinollu andharu mahaanubhaavulu'... Does it have to be this way?

Leaving you with this thought: What if we could:
Dream like you'll live forever, live like today is your last day....you'll then find the courage to chase your dreams and the heart to forgive and appreciate others

My relationship with God

2011-09-10T04:49:00.005-04:00

To be honest, my relationship with God is still relatively un-defined and flaky. Going by the textbook definitions of the terms, the best I can describe myself is that I am perhaps in a very early stage in the spiritual path and still ways away from being termed 'Religious'.

Spirituality can refer to an ultimate or an alleged immaterial reality;[1] an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of his/her being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.

Religion is a collection of cultural systems, belief systems, and worldviews that establishes symbols that relate humanity to spirituality and moral values.

Being born in a Hindu family, I was exposed to a fair amount of religious practices and scriptures. I remember asking questions like 'Why do we have so many Gods?, Who is the strongest of them all, etc etc.,' and used to have my share of favorite Gods and favorite festivals. That's about it and I never really took the time to establish my beliefs or lack thereof and pretty much just went with the flow. But, throughout something that Mom and Dad said struck a chord with me which was 'Hard work will never go wasted, God takes care of those who help themselves'. I took this piece of advice very seriously and from time to time when I saw Daddy's work issues or Mommy's health issues, I started wondering 'So, why is God not taking care of them now?, they are working hard, taking care of themselves... then, why is this God not doing good to them?' Whenever such questions cropped up, I heard answers like 'Whatever happens is for our own Good only' or 'God knows when to give you what', etc.,.. So, with these and other such adages like this that are routinely used in any typical Indian Hindu household, I got away with just brushing these questions away without digging deep or questing further to build my beliefs or foundation. I perhaps, never needed to get these resolved since life was just going on...

Another thing that I noticed and perhaps emulated myself is how one remembers God mostly during festivals or difficult times.. I also wrote in my earlier blog about 'Why I pray' and confessed there that like many others I too used to think or turn towards God mostly during those trying times. That said, thanks to the upbringing and the constant exposure to various hindu religious books, etc I felt I had the necessary foundation from all those scriptures (myths or realities) and from watching people around me to be able to choose between right vs. wrong. I was able to get away with this extent of religion and belief for many years

Once I had kids of my own, I started thinking about what part of religion should I teach them and what the purpose should be. I felt and still do that, irrespective of whichever religion, it is quite important for kids to have a foundation of some religion, more to instill discipline and provide them with a moral guidebook.

As years passed by and as I was experiencing life's ups and downs, I somehow drew strength by finding some logical reason for the incidents. But, witnessing the passing of my mother was somewhat of a life changing experience. While it is impossible to describe the pain of the loss we experienced, what it made me do, is question the very essence of life and I started wondering what it is we could do to make the seemingly inevitable death less painful. Like before, I tried to find solace by logically explaining it to myself that Mom's heart was too weak and having seen the pain she was in, I felt she was in a much better place after passing away. I tried to explain this to my then almost 7 year old son and he asked 'Mom, But didn't God also have the choice to make her better?' I didn't know how to logically explain this and that's when I also started wondering if it was indeed God who plays through the various life screenplays or if there is any part we indeed have or don't have in this life.

Now, I still keep questioning... 'Who am I? What is the soul? How am I different from my soul? What did I do to deserve what I have or don't have? What part does God or Fate or some other superior (or external) force play in my life, do I really control my destiny, are the choices I make really mine or is it something else that makes me choose those?
Asking these questions and trying to find answers seems like a life long journey and I think I am still close to the starting point only..until then there continues to be turbulence in my heart and restlessness in my head. So, as I said before my relationship with God still remains undefined and perhaps, I need to build a relationship with my true self before I can understand God well-enough to build a relationship or not.

Building Leaders for a Better India

2011-06-03T10:56:00.000-04:00

In the recent months, in line with the India 2.0 aspirations, a friend and I have been trying to figure out how best we can contribute and participate in the various citizen movements mushrooming in India everyday. As part of this, we got introduced to JP garu who directed us to this non-political group, Foundation for Democratic Reforms (FDR). We were very glad that he took interest in our interest and spent time with us to properly guide us and even went as far as assigning a single point of contact for us to help us navigate through the systems and sub-systems as we figure out where best we can contribute. That said, to be honest for one reason or the other, although we had no dearth of ideas, we couldn't put things into action on our own.

Incidentally, we got introduced to Youth for Better India group (YBI) since FDR was supporting them in their efforts to mobilize youngsters and train them in various aspects of citizenship, good governance and leadership. As we got to know about YBI and its mission, vision, etc we got involved in helping them prepare for their first ever leadership camp they were organizing for 40 volunteers from across the state.
These 40 trainees were selected based on previous events that YBI organized in various colleges across the state. The objective of the training was to train these youngsters in the areas of good citizenship, good governance, rights and responsibilities of a good citizen and leadership skills. Here are some highlights from the preparation, the session and the small talk with the participants:

Average age of participants was low 20s (no, I didn't feel old :)). They were mostly from Engineering and other degree colleges and interestingly none from medical colleges
It was very refreshing to see their energy levels, awareness about whats happening in the country and dreams of how they can make a difference
Although most participants were from Engineering colleges, they have future plans in very disparate fields like movie production/direction, animation, social service, civil services, politics, etc
Just like there is a divide between the 'Haves' and 'Have nots', there seems to be a even wider divide between the 'Cares' and 'Care nots'.. meaning people who care about the country/society vs. those who don't. Even among those who care, there seem to be broadly two sub groups:

The lower middle class and below poverty line: These are people who are struggling just to make ends meet and for them whoever satisfies those basic needs are heroes and that's all they think about or care about.
Middle class and upper middle class: These are people who can more or less think objectively and make decisions based on their opinion (if they have one). The problem here seems, most people in this group don't care enough to think through and have an opinion too.. This training is intended to catch this group when they are relatively young and moldable to give them enough knowledge so they feel motivated to participate and understand what they need to do as good citizens and think clearly and have an opinion about at-least the issues that concern them day to day

Participants were sent 4-5 questions prior to the session for them to survey about 10-20 people each. Some interesting findings from the survey

Top problems affecting India - Corruption, Illiteracy, Political System, Inefficient Leadership, Braindrain
Main reason for increase in Corruption: No enforcement of rules, Lack of citizen participation in policy making or enforcement, Lack of transparency, Compromising Attitude, Getting used to bribes to avoid delays/inconveniences
Who is responsible for corruption in India - (percentages here mean % responsibility each group has towards corruption)

Politicians - 25%,
People - 25%,
Govt Officials - 50%
This was interesting. When the class was asked this question, 90% initially said '100% - People', but upon reasoning and thinking through with examples, most concluded that it was more a systemic issue and difficult for the common man to avoid bribes these days unless he is willing to sacrifice his personal life a lot. One person asked 'How do you separate people from this system?' A good explanation for this was given by the facilitator: System is People + Policies + Execution of Policies (Governance). So, as an example: having a rule that one needs to get his income certificate in 7 days from application-time without enforcement or penalty for not adhering to this timeline doesn't do any good and it is such lapses in the 'system' or 'governance' that creates room for corruption.

Do you think we can still change and reduce corruption - 52% thought we still have a chance which is encouraging

Brainstorming question - How does one define corruption:

Expecting a favor(monetary or other) to do one's job
Accepting a favor (monetary or other) to not do one's job
Accepting a favor (monetary or other) to break/change the rules for someone's convenience

The group was also asked to brainstorm tools they knew to combat different forms of corruption

Refer to Citizen's charters, Tatkal schemes and hold officials accountable
Govt/Policy makers to create more accountability for each role at every level
Penalty (monetary or other) for not fulfilling one's responsibilities - E.g., Penalty for each day's delay in the rendering of service as defined in citizen's charter
Use Right to Information (RTI) Act - Powerful tool in the citizens' hands

RTI: Right to Information Act was particularly fascinating to learn about. I also realized just passing this act is not enough if the Govt cannot put people, processes and tools in place to execute it efficiently.

A conclusion that the class came to is that by and large our constitution and the policies in place are very comprehensive and forward thinking, but what seems to be lacking is the tools and processes necessary to put them into effect effectively. So, the end result is that the execution of such policies and procedures is left to the discretion of the person in-charge. Giving powers in the form of spending power or discretionary decision making power without proper checks and balances in the system creates the room for Corruption.
So, to summarize the key takeaways for me and hopefully the other participants: There is a direct correlation between effective policy making and governance/execution to creation of more transparent and less corrupt government, system and nation. While there is lot that needs to be fixed systemically, there is also a lot in our hands to help make a difference - e.g., Start caring, thinking, forming an opinion, choose your leaders from amongst you, but choose the one that is ahead of you in their thinking, in their vision for the country. A leader doesn't necessarily have to support/follow a majority opinion, but should be able to build the majority consensus towards his vision.
Finally, I want to end by saying.. my time spent in the preparation and the training was very useful in just being able to connect with these youngsters, learn from them, and just be encouraged to see their interest and energy.

Imagine a world

2011-05-18T23:56:00.003-04:00

Where getting answers to your health queries does not start from google.com
Where your data sources for every day health information is not limited to your friends and family members
Where you have access to real-world “hard data” and not “generic information”

There is a lot of health information available but no real and reliable, accessible and actionable health data. In today’s scenario if one had a medical query (for e.g. what is the cure for tendonitis), one would start with a google search and come across multiple websites offering basic to specific information which is disorganized, unstructured, difficult to manage and even difficult to validate. The end result of the query currently depends on the perseverance, patience and competency of the user to navigate the information generated by the query. The resulting conclusions drawn by the user is inconsistent and in most cases leaves users with more questions than answers. In all cases, users are left to the mercy of their current health service providers.

There are a number of case studies that friends and family close to us have experienced in the recent past and if we had a fully loaded myMEDistry to access, their and our health journeys would have been a bit more smoother and less nerve-wrecking.
Here is a recent experience we went through with a close family member:
A close family member who is now 33, had been perfectly healthy, married and mother of 2 wonderful, healthy children. 2 years ago she suffered cardiac arrest with symptoms of nausea and blackouts 3 times in 24 hours. Luckily for her, she had one of the episodes while under observation in the ER and the doctors noticed her heart rate dropping to 30 and so they immediately implanted a pacemaker. She has been prescribed to have this pacemaker for life now. Up until now, nobody knows the reason why her heart skipped beating at that time and why she needs a pacemaker for life. To make matters more complicated, doctors apparently don’t often see these symptoms or episodes in people of her age, gender and demographic and so do not have much idea on what to expect here onwards. Now, our quest on the world wide web has been a test in patience. There are a number of forums and support groups for people with pacemakers and other heart ailments, but it has been extremely time consuming and still impossible to find cases of patients who have had a pacemaker from such an young age and to find out what the long term side effects of having pacemaker in the body has been. The reason for this is there is lot of ‘generic’ information describing types of pacemakers, their pros and cons and ‘generic’ efficacy and reactions. For example, during the first 6 months after having the pacemaker, the doctors were monitoring how much the pacemaker was being used, the usage was ranging from 20% to 40% and we didn't know what was expected and if the range was normal or not. Different doctors opined differently and different doctors gave different care instructions. There were few ways to find other people like her whom she could connect with, but there was no structured data that could be used to put 2 and 2 together in these cases. Imagine if

We could go to a site and find others who had a pacemaker implanted at a relatively young age and
We could contact them to interact directly and
We could find real data on their symptoms and side effects monitored over a period of time
We could find real data on what the most common operating usage percentage is for pacemakers overtime

What we found in our quest is that after the initial readings, all the information on the web is too generic and hard/impossible for non-medical people like us to infer anything useful from it. There were lot of forums and blogs which described what people were going through, but it was not always complete information or structured enough for us to piece their journeys together. These were great ways to read and feel connected and feel assured that we were not alone. But the information was not something we could use effectively. Given that we were surrounded by medical professionals in our family, we were able to weed through all that we found on the web and decided finally to just give up.

From such personal experiences was born the idea of myMEDistry, the goal of which is to help people around the globe capture their medical journeys in a structured manner to help others easily find them and more importantly use them. We believe such sharing of real world experiences makes it possible to collaborate in a global level and make breakthroughs in newer treatments possible. myMEDistry doesn’t intend to be a source of medical advice or treatment, it is a place for people to share and find others’ medical experiences that they can learn from and be better prepared in asking the right questions and be better equipped in making their healthcare decisions.

Come, join myMEDistry today and help us make a difference in global healthcare experiences.

College Admissions and Corruption

2011-04-12T03:36:00.007-04:00

The recent WSJ article on the millions of graduates in India who seem unfit for employment has hit the nail. I have been wondering how the standards of education have changed since our school days in India. Since I have a close association with Engineering and Medical colleges, I will use those as examples. At the time I was getting ready to get into Engineering college, there were only 3 choices - a) Score well in the tests and get into one of the public colleges either in my state (AP) or other states. b) Pay up a premium fees and get into 'private' college and c) Forget the idea of Engineering college and either retry the following year or choose something else. Since my parents were against 2 and I was against 3, it was very clear to me that the only way to get into a reputed engineering college was by doing well in school the previous years and doing well in the admission tests. I remember at that time in the entire state, the top 700 or so EAMCET rankers got into medical college and the top 1000 or so got into Engineering college (note: I am not counting the others who get in based on various other reservations). So, end of the day if someone got into a medical college or engineering college, it was mostly on their own based on their "merit".

Fast forward about 10 years since, and I am surprised to see how there are so many Engineering and Medical colleges mushrooming all around and how the 'premium fees' a.k.a donation amounts have sky rocketed as well. It seems kids who didn't even score the minimum to get a EAMCET rank are also able to get into some medical/engineering college if their parents can afford it. The money power doesn't stop here. I have also heard first hand accounts where desperate students(who are unable to cope with the course work) and parents are willing to pay up money to clear the exams and graduate from these colleges. Would you want a Civil Engineer who earned his degree this way to design and build your next home or would you want a doctor from such a college treat you or your child? I am not saying all students from these colleges are not good, but what has happened due to this large supply without proper quality gates, is that its hard to objectively assess quality and so we/corporations tend to become cynical about the whole lot.
Gone are the days when parents are pushing kids to study hard and prove their mettle in the exams.. instead they seem to be too busy trying various means to make enough money in time for the donations. As my friend, Sujai says, they do all this in the pretext of 'Competition is tough'.. so, they are teaching their kids to circumvent this competition by coughing up huge amounts in the name of donation. I know a lot of kids and parents alike get caught in this viscous cycle and often dare not to say 'NO' to this donation in fear that they may be putting their children at a disadvantage as compared to their friends.
It is because more and more parents are willing to pay this fee, there is a new market booming in India in the form of these Private Education Institutions. So, after all this, where did we end up.. we have millions and millions graduating with a professional degree and sadly a large percentage of these millions (75% of technical graduates and 85% of general graduates) are unemployable. There is now yet another market created in the form of 'Finishing schools'... basically, institutions that make these unemployable graduates employable. So, the parents now are hit by a double whammy.. pay for the degree once and then pay again to make that degree useful.
Since we are all talking about Corruption in India, isn't this Corruption? What are we teaching our children when we decide to circumvent the system that clearly needs to be meritorious and decide to 'buy' a seat. The last 15-20 years in India has been a period of phenomenal changes (both good and bad) and while we progressed in many ways and have become an important destination on the globe, this has also been the time when India saw rapid growth in corruption of all forms and shapes. People started becoming more aggressive, ambitious and in the pretext of 'global competition', started getting used to shortcuts, quick money while gradually breeding the corruption animal into a monster of its own. While India has been touted as the outsourcing pioneer, the reputation of our Indian consultants and outsourcing partners is not all that rosy and its because of the quality issues and inconsistencies we run into. There have been cases similar to the ones quoted in the WSJ article, that a person with a fancy "computer science engineering degree" on paper cannot construct a full sentence that sounds coherent.
What we need to develop is a balanced and broad perspective towards education, jobs, careers, etc. We need to stop chasing the next hype, but instead learn to harness our strengths better. We clearly need to invest in our children and start recognizing children as unique individuals, nurture their talents and help them make the right career choices based on what they are good at or interested in. This is one area where we can definitely learn something from the western world. Lets stop pushing kids into fields they are not necessarily good at or interested in and create this unnecessary mad race. It all starts here when over-enthusiastic parents want to see their child in a certain college/profession and are willing to do whatever it takes including coughing up crores of rupees for the 'donation'. Our job as parents is not to do whatever it takes to get that admission, but instead to provide the most optimum environment for our kids to perform their best and keep our expectations in line with our child's capabilities and guide them in making the best out of the opportunities available to them.
If you compare the situation to the US for instance, the education system and expectations don't revolve around just a handful of fields and kids are encouraged to explore different fields before making up their mind and parents are also more open to all these varied fields. Not to generalize or overly patronize with the west, but that kind of broad exposure if used properly with proper guidance can help in developing much more well rounded personalities.

Professionalism - Whose job is it anyway?

2011-03-07T23:40:00.010-05:00

The 'chalta hai attitude' that I mentioned in the previous post has been hitting me in the face quite a few times these days. To confess, one of my pet peeves has always been timeliness and sticking to commitment.. rather lack thereof. When someone says something - a time to meet, an estimate for completion, etc etc., and don't stick to it and moreover don't seem to make an attempt to stick to it, it infuriates me to no-end (read makes me angry and lose all capability to think rationally and calmly :) )
I am just documenting some recent incidents and want to get some ideas/reactions from all of my loyal readers (yes, all 2-3 of them :) )

Before renting our house in US, we decided to get it painted so we don't reveal our 4 yr old's work of art and give it away for cheap before he becomes an accomplished artist ;). So, we hired a painter who came saw every nook and corner of the work that needs to be done and to our pleasant surprise said he can complete the job in 3 days - saturday, sunday and monday. He said his timings were 8 to 6 or so and so we planned our weekend and Monday around this and made arrangements awaiting his arrival. He decides to stroll in at 11 and leaves at 4 saying he is old and is getting tired. I wonder how and why he suddenly aged that he had to cut short his working hours like that in a day. Now the 3 days dragged onto 3 weeks because he would make sudden appearances. Since we were both working (with better professionalism) and could not run home at the drop of a hat, he somehow made it our fault for it to drag on like that.
Our cook (actually mom and dad's) for the last 15 years or so has always been such a random, moody character that I sometimes suspect he too suffers from some periodic bouts of PMS. That issue aside, recently for the last 3 months or so, he just doesn't show up one to two days a week and thats usually on saturday or sunday. What is even stranger and funnier (funny now) is that it seems either his mother is critically ill or he has diarrhea. I may be a cruel heart, but it does sound suspicious why he seems to be getting bouts of diarrhea for 3 sundays in a row. Well.. in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter since its just another excuse to eat out or cook myself, but what frustrates me is that 'chalta hai' attitude that he demonstrates so openly...at least put in the effort to come up with a different excuse !!!
As our house is getting ready (after a delay of more than an year from the builder) and we started some interiors work, I decided to wear my PM hat and thought since we knew what we wanted to get done and had workers who claim to know their craft with decent references, I naively assumed we can actually plan and estimate the completion time with a 4-5 week margin of error. I gave myself this margin of error since we are not knowledgeable in the construction business and also assumed the finishing parts will take time since we need to shop around for different products (which we again don't know much about). It has been about 4 weeks since we started the process and looks like we are already behind by 3 weeks.. if this were a Software Product I managed, I would at this point make this 'Red - Needs immediate attention' status. Well, since I am my own boss, there is no point panicking with these color codes, but want to illustrate couple examples of non-professionalism at its best that contributed to this delay.

We ordered wood from a wholesaler who claimed he was getting it from Bangalore and that it will be delivered directly to the site. On the day of delivery, he told us it was on the way and asked us to have people ready to receive by 2 PM.
After repeated phone calls from 1:45 PM, he finally reveals at 6 PM that it got delayed and the current expected arrival time was 11 AM next day. He vouches by the time this time and again says we need to keep the people ready and if there is nobody, they will send it off to some other place from where we need to get it transported.
After all this, I will spare the details of what happened next day, the wood finally arrived at 8PM next day. Why cannot they just give correct time and moreover if they really ran into unexpected roadblocks causing the delays, why cannot they call us and let us know. Why this 'chalta hai' attitude.. isn't keeping the customer informed a basic core requirement for running any business?
Our ceiling guy is another character - he gave us an estimate of 1 week and I added another week as buffer to that. It has been 4 weeks now and he again says 1 more week. At this point, to save me some migraines and heartburns, we decided to stop planning or thinking of timelines and just going with the flow.. Ouch... that hurts my PM head so much :)

I think such things happened to us both in US and here in India and also when we went with top notch (top by price) professionals vs. the cheaper daily laborers. At the same time, we also experienced good attitude from different people across the spectrum as well (our nanny, servicemagic carpet cleaners, etc). In the corporate world, you come across people who are very good with keeping time and managing their commitments and there are also ones (usually the boss or boss's boss kind) who take their meetings, commitments very lightly and use 'busy' as an excuse to cause inconvenience to many others around them. The former kind are the ones that often attract people and earn peoples' respect easily.

I feel this professionalism is as ingrained in a person as his/her core character and it cannot be altered or bought with money or anything else. But, it can be learnt if one is willing to. Having the integrity to stick to one's commitments, respecting other people's time and money as your own are all qualities that separate the exceptional ones from others.

My conclusions and conundrums with Ramayana

2011-03-03T13:20:00.010-05:00

As most Indians of my age, the stories of Dashavataras, Rama, Krishna, etc were the popular stories, movies and books we grew up with before Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Wimpy kid and such took over our kids' libraries.
As I was thinking of what to write for the April edition of Nachiketanjali, I was reminded that April is also when Sri Rama Navami is celebrated. Sri Rama Navami happens to be the Birthday and Marriage Day of Lord Rama. Coincidentally, my son's class was also doing a unit on Role models. So, keeping both in mind, I wanted to re-tell what I heard about the story of Rama in a manner to interest and intrigue my 9 year old and also wanted to re-learn what that great epic was trying to convey and how we can apply it to our lives now.
One thing I always felt and still believe is that the story of Ramayana seems so close to our lives. The various episodes of Ramayana, the characters, their conflicts, emotions and dilemnas seem very real and easily applicable to today even. So, I started thinking how it would be if the same Ramayana played out in todays' times...can we learn from how Lord Rama conducted himself at that time and somehow emulate. One big difference is that Ramayana was from Treta Yuga when the Dharma bull, which symbolises morality, stood on three legs and it is now standing on one leg during the current Kaliyuga. This difference is also represented by the different dharmas and gunas that prevailed during those times vs. now.

Coming back to the topic of what we can learn from Ramayana and how to apply it to present times:
Not to take away any credit from volumes and volumes of chapters and episodes written by Valmiki, to me there are these 3 episodes that standout and are the defining ones. "Define" in this context is to define Lord Rama's character as an Ideal Son, Ideal Husband and Ideal Ruler/Leader/King

Obeying father and going on a 14 year exile to the forest
Waging a war against Ravana and rescuing Sita
Sita's Agnipariksha to prove her purity and later on abandoning her again based on some layman's comments:

Disclaimer: I don't claim to be an expert in these topics nor have I have studied Ramayana in depth. What I am trying to express here are just my honest conclusions and confusions that I came up with .

Obeying father and going on a 14 year exile to the forest: The obvious point here is that Rama showed us what it means to be an 'Ideal Son'. He showed us what it means to follow one's Dharma which was (to him) to obey his father and also enable his father to keep up his promise made to Kaikeyi. It is easy to question and just say 'Why should we blindly follow parents even if they are wrong?' I think the key is not 'following parents', it is 'following Dharma' and doing your duties rightfully as children. What would have happened if he didn't obey his father and instead just stayed back in Ayodhya.... we can only imagine.

Waging a war against Ravana and rescuing Sita: This, to me just shows that Rama was a devoted husband and he showed us what it means to be one and how one needs to be ready to go to any extent like wage a war or go through any amount of difficulties to save/protect your loved ones. Of course, Rama was also fulfilling his duty as the yugapurusha to end the raise of evil in the form of Ravana.

Sita's Agnipariksha to prove her purity and later on abandoning her again based on some layman's comments: This one is difficult for me to understand. I am still not 100% sure what is being conveyed by Rama's actions here. Was it that Rama believed in Sita so much and trusted her that she would come out of the agnipariksha unscratched and so let her do it more to prove to the people and to have them accept her wholeheartedly? I keep wondering 'why couldn't he just stand by her and say he will trust her no matter what'. Isn't that what any woman would expect from her husband? Why did he have to look for people's approval to accept his wife? Also, why did he have to abandon her again when she was pregnant because some layman commented something. But, here is another point of view, was he trying to also be an Ideal Ruler and so he did not want to give any explanations and exceptions and wanted to establish just one rule of Dharma for everyone no matter who, in his kingdom. Was there a conflict between being an Ideal Ruler vs. Ideal Husband in this situation? To be an ideal ruler, he had to be spotless and so he was ready to put his own wife, Sita through whatever sacrifice to become that spotless Ideal Ruler who cannot be questioned?

After all this, I am convinced about one thing that is also so obvious - Our Destiny and our Life is all about the choices we make. Humans are the only beings that have this great power or gift of choice and along with this power also comes great responsibility. What Rama showed us is that there are choices we need to make at every step, the right choice of Dharma may not always be the easy one,but will be the one that will take us to our ultimate goal or Moksha. Our primary purpose in life is to follow our Dharma and do our duties at any point of time wholeheartedly.

India Renewed - Yes, we can

2011-02-17T23:08:00.003-05:00

This past year has probably seen a record number of scams exposed in India. On one hand, it is perhaps a good sign that these are being exposed and seeing the light of day, but on the other hand, is anything really being done to bring the culprits to justice. All of us know that something needs to be done so others' will think twice before engaging in such shady activities. But, for how long will we wait for this 'something' to be done by 'somebody'.
That said, I am inspired by what my friend, Rajesh says over and over again, that we cannot be blaming the Government, the so called leaders, etc etc., for all the pitfalls in the country and it is about time each of us takes responsibility in contributing towards a positive change. Lets do our bit and do it consistently and everyday and be the change we want to see.
Its been about 5 months since we moved to India and there are few things that really bother me, but am somewhat optimistic because I feel all of them are areas that we, the common man can make a difference ourselves without waiting for 'somebody'.

Corruption at every step - Like I posted before, corruption and taking bribes just to do what you are supposed to do has become such a norm, that people tend to forget where the system ends and where this parallel system begins.
Lack of professionalism (Chalta Hai attitude) - People have very low expectations from each other, from our leaders, from the 'system'. So, be it in maintaining timings, setting proper expectations, completing work as promised, etc etc., there is this easy going tendency and the accepted norm again is that you either have to bribe with additional money or use some other carrot like a well known contact or some other threatening mechanism to extract the value you rightfully deserve
Cleanliness in public places - Gandhiji said 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness'. We are such a God loving/God fearing country by and large and yet the basic civic sense and cleanliness that our people follow in public places (Railway stations, Roads, Public Bathrooms, Hospitals, etc) is nothing but pathetic.

I am concerned, I am concerned especially for our kids, the next generation. Lets step back and think if this is the country we want our kids to grow up in, be exposed to. I don't want my kids to accept this or get frustrated and go away to the faraway west in quest of 'greener' pastures. That is just accepting defeat and accepting to just be a BYSTANDER a.k.a Fly on the Wall. In all of the above, yes there is a systemic issue that needs correction, but that correction WILL NOT come unless we make those corrections ourselves one step at a time, one day at a time.

I want to try and take control and do my bit and wish you all will join too:. Here are few things I can think of and would like to propose. Please add/edit if you have more/better ideas

Corruption: I know it is hard to live and even get simple things done as soon as we refuse to bribe anyone. This extreme action may be hard to digest, but at a minimum lets question and ponder before we blindly engage in these activities. Lets start talking to kids about the ill-effects of corruption and maybe start cutting back on bribes 1 or 2 things at a time until we gain the strength to push back fully.
Professionalism: Lead by example, set expectations and start holding people accountable. Yes, they will think you are a pain and may avoid you, but just the questioning may spark some thinking and will slowly bring some change
Cleanliness - Lets start treating these public places like we treat our homes. Spread awareness about it. Need ideas for this though. I know friends of mine who had posters put up all over the state reminding people not to litter, use public bathrooms, etc etc., I would like to invite some of my artistically inclined friends to create posters that we can use all over the country and volunteer to put them up wherever you see the need.

Here is the facebook group I created, please join, add more ideas/discussions so we can spread awareness and build a pyramid of socially responsible citizens. Let us Save our India.

Time Management vs. Life Management

2010-12-28T13:13:00.004-05:00

I think managing one's time effectively and being able to multi-task without losing focus is almost a survival skill that one needs to acquire these days. Gone are the days when anyone could survive by doing just one thing at a time. Starting from childhood, we are seeing more and more emphasis on extra-curricular activities along with co-curricular. College students often are not able to choose just one major and even if they do, they don't want to constraint themselves by one and are opting for double majors. Even in the corporate world, people are looking for multi-faceted talent and so on. That said, I think time management is somewhat easier when you have a set schedule with a set number of things to do and some other 'body' governing at least part of your time. It is harder when you are technically 'on your own'. One needs lot of control and focus to effectively use the time in their hands and need to be their own boss. As we move from childhood to adulthood, time management transcends more into overall life management. In order to know where and how to spend your time, you need to know yourself better, truly understand your priorities and constraints, your interests and passions and build your life by chalking out your day to day activities around those.
Here is some first hand experience that led me to this thought:
These days while I am technically on a sabbatical from my corporate job, it seems I have become busier than ever. For some reasons, I am struggling with time management and multi-tasking, ironically, the two skills I used pride upon. I always thought being a working mom made me or rather forced me to hone these skills, but I think it was somewhat easier when I was working outside the home. Although, I am now not constrained by the job responsibilities and timings, I am quite overwhelmed by all the things I always wanted to do and pushed aside all these years for one reason or the rather (biggest one being time).
Previously, I had just one thing to focus on from say 9 to 5, now I have so many things that I want to focus on and always feel the urge to do them all. What I am starting to realize is that while the day job added time pressure on me, it also provided me a structure and focus. I could use that as a shield or excuse to not worry about the other things that I wanted to do. Now, that I don't have it and technically I am on my own and can do any or all of the things, I think I am getting over-enthusiastic and trying to do all of them at once. I keep reminding myself 'There is a time for everything and everything takes its time', but wish someone could tell me which of the things I should focus on now and which ones can wait. I now have a new grown respect for all those entrepreneurs who manage their time effectively and never lose focus on what they are out there to deliver and last, but not the least, I also really appreciate and admire those full time moms or homemakers (btw, what does 'housewife' mean.. is she house's wife or is she wife who is at home) who use their time so wisely and cultivate so many hobbies, passions, etc along with cultivating a wonderful family environment.
I think Life Management is an entire other dimension to time management.
While time management is needed to manage your time and life, life management is needed to live your life.

Miss you mom

2010-11-29T03:35:00.002-05:00

I remember the time you held my hand to teach me to walk until I was ready to run away. I wish I could hold that hand now when I seem lost in my way
I remember the time you talked to me about the ways of the world and all I did was roll my eyes and wait for the talk to end. I wish I could talk to you once more when I don't seem to understand the world sometimes.
I remember the time you advised me about the dangers and pitfalls that I may run into and all I thought was that you were being over protective. I wish I had someone now who would think about me and my well being as much as you did
I remember the time when I didn't know how to stay asleep and you started teaching me to dream big and chase my dreams. I wish I could see you not just in my dreams now and wish you were here to see how those dreams are taking shape
I remember the time when you waited anxiously just to talk to me for few minutes. I wish I had those few minutes now again
I remember how you wanted to know every detail of my day-to-day just to make sure I was ok, I wish I had someone who was that interested in those mundane details of our lives now.
I remember how my every little milestone was a reason for you to celebrate. I wish you were here now to show us reasons to celebrate

If only I knew then what I now know, I wonder what would have been different.. if anything at all?

Social Network - not the movie

2010-11-14T23:46:00.003-05:00

I have been a facebook user and enthusiast for the last couple years and have been a regular blogger for about the same time. The way facebook and such sites - twitter, orkut, myspace have taken off is pretty impressive and they seem to have defined or rather re-defined what the internet means to us and have pretty much defined what 'social networking' means on the web and led us to web 2.0 and now web 3.0.
People have become more and more comfortable sharing a lot of their lives on these sites and where it becomes useful and interesting is that they share a lot of their experiences, frustrations, gotchas from which others can learn from. That said, what irked me a lot is that there is no easy way (or at-least I couldn't find an easy way) to search and get to these lessons learnt when I needed them. For example, you remember that a friend of yours commented something about their cruise trip when they went on it few months ago, but when you are researching and about to book the trip for yourself, its not easy to navigate through pages and pages of facebook profile to find what they had said then.
Another example, one of my friends recently posted this thread on facebook:

Now, if I or someone else was looking for a similar thing few months into the future, the only way to find it is to either contact him directly or visit his profile page and search through scrolls and scrolls of pages. From this issue was born the idea for JITLL - Just in Time Lessons Learnt. So, if this same topic was saved on JITLL and tagged appropriately, one could search for it using some appropriate keywords and get to it in about 2-3 clicks.
This is the value of JITLL - Save Pain, Gain Time.
On the technical front, I used drupal pretty much out of box with some customized modules to build this. I will post separately about that experience which has been overall positive except when I had to deal with the hosting vendor.
Come, join me on JITLL and send me your feedback on how to make it even better and easier to use, how to market it better so there is valuable content that makes the site useful for you and me.

Leaving a home to go back home

2010-09-09T10:21:00.000-04:00

As, some of you know already, we are making the big move to leave our current home to go back home. No.. I am not trying to sound cryptic. NJ has been our home for the last 16 years and now we are leaving it and relocating back to India (Hyderabad) which had been our home for about 20 years prior. It is an exciting, nerve wrecking, emotional and busy time for us and here is my other blog trying to chronicle our journey in an attempt to capture the moments before we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of Indian life and also to share some experiences that may be useful for future R2I'ers.

The logic behind the logic

2010-08-19T16:14:00.015-04:00

Logic, from the Greek λογικός (logikos) is the study of reasoning.

I think all through our years of education and our years in the corporate world, logical thinking to handle any situation or to find a solution to any problem, is taught, expected, encouraged and appreciated.

But, when it comes to the matters of the heart or personal interactions, this logical thinking may not be as appreciated. I have witnessed this many a time when logical thinkers who try to seek reason and who try to solve any issue using logic are sometimes viewed as 'Too Practical' or 'Cold'. This started intriguing me and made me think more (there goes my logical hat) about why this may be the case.. is it true that sometimes being logical makes us less likely to be spontaneous, does it make us less likely to sympathize (since we are too caught up in 'solution'ing), does it make us less likely to be fun? Is it because when we are showing our 'logical' side, our 'emotional' side is not as apparent?

Is there merit in letting go of logic and actually training the mind to stop thinking and start experiencing?

Are 'Thinking' and 'Feeling' mutually exclusive?

I know there are no answers to lot of questions/situations in life and sometimes we have to just let go and accept the flow and go with it...that said, just because you don't have an answer, is it wrong for me to question?

I would love to hear from all my readers so I can actually crack this logic behind logic..

Father's Day

2010-06-19T07:11:00.009-04:00

On the occasion of this Father's Day, I thought I should post about the Father Figures in my life so far. Fortunately, as mentioned before I was surrounded by several people, from whom I learnt something or the other and looked up to for one reason or the other. But, this morning when I woke up thinking about 'Father', there are three people who come to mind who have held that 'Father Figure' position throughout.

1. Daddy: What can I say that will truly depict what Daddy means to me and how much he has taught me just by being him. Daddy is and has always been the quietest person in our house, but somehow the strict disciplinarian who set the rules and standards for our family even without talking much about them. He led by example and let his life talk more than his words. Like I mentioned here , I started seeing a different side of him after Mom's passing. Daddy: Thanks for being you !!

2. Baba: While Daddy was the strict disciplinarian, Baba was who did a lot of the playful things with me. He was one reason I used to look forward to our trips to Vijayawada each summer. I always felt like a little kid when Baba was around and he always pampered me even after I had kids of my own. He was a man who knew right vs. wrong in all situations and stood by what he thought was right however difficult it was to him (and sometimes to his people around). He was an extremely simple man who I only hope and wish is having a slightly easier life now in heaven than he did down here on earth. I miss you Baba.

3. Pandumavayya: Pandumavayya (PM) has been Father figure for mom for a long long time. PM had and still has a special place in our lives ever since I remember and it is just hard to point at one or two reasons as to why. Growing up, Mom and Annamma would keep telling us how he stood by the family as the eldest son when Tatagaru(mom's father) passed away at a very young age, how he has been more a Father to his siblings than just a brother. When PM moved back to Hyderabad, at around the same time when we moved to Hyderabad, his regular visits to our house were eagerly awaited. I always imagined if Tatagaru was alive, he would be like PM. While Dad and Baba kept reminding us about our studies, PM would spoil us a bit with toys, chocolates, junk food, etc,. I got my first rubik's cube from him and also my first full cricket set from him. He was the first one with whom Mom and Dad shared anything, good or bad. Although, we sometimes lovingly call him 'Hitler', no event in the family is complete without PM checking on the details and giving us his 'ok'. PM: Thanks for always being there !

Introducing my Buddy - Sammu

2010-06-10T07:35:00.010-04:00

This spring, my sister and niece visited us. Sammu (my niece) is 11 and she surprised me a lot since the last time I saw her which was less than an year ago. In many many ways, she reminded me of our(my sister and mine) childhood and our pre-teen years. I think the pre-teen years are especially special for girls (I will wait until I see my boys grow up to talk about boys) since we go through a whole lot of changes mentally and physically and all this in a very short span of time and this plays a little havoc on our behavior.

It is also a fun time when you are stepping from childhood to teenage hood when most adults around you start taking you more seriously, you are starting to have some deep interests and inclinations towards certain things, you are starting to think lot more on your own, question more... starting to build your character and personality and a pinch of 'attitude' with all that. And if tamed well with "lots of patience"... all this confusion that goes on at this age can be molded into something beautiful.

I noticed all of the above in Sammu this time and particularly noticed that she likes to express herself by writing. So, since we are supposedly in the 21st century, I introduced her to the world of blogging... Here is her blog.

Sammu: I am so looking forward to watching you grow up and am especially looking forward to being your friend, Micks, Mickey Pinni... whatever you want me to be.

Home is where the heart is

2010-06-06T11:41:00.007-04:00

In the most basic sense, 'Home' is nothing more than a shelter or roof over one's head to protect from the basic elements of nature. But, is that all that is needed in a home? So, what is it that we need in life? One practical point of view suggests that all we need is air to breathe, food to eat and a shelter and then you add to this the basic human craving for love, companionship, etc., we are already talking about personal needs such as family, friends and then as we move towards being a social being, we are treading into professional aspirations, social status, etc. One of my friends said something that struck a chord with me which is something like this (shamelessly plagiarizing): Life revolves around these three pivots - Personal needs, Professional needs and Spiritual needs and finally Home is where all these three pivots can be balanced and satisfied. It definitely sounded very thought provoking and deep, but for me it has always been 'Home is where the heart is' and that heart sometimes doesn't listen to my head :) So, in the process of trying to understand my heart better, my head started listing down what the above statement really meant? What do I need from my home/life? Here are some that I could put down:

I want to be able to be surrounded by people that I can relate to. I want to be able to understand what their lives are like, what struggles they have, how I can help them and want them to understand my life and lend a hand when I need it
I want to be able to share my beliefs, superstitions or idiosyncrasies and not be looked upon like a 'fool' or 'stranger'
I want to be able to walk out of my home and be able to relate to even a complete stranger because we share the same background
I don't want to be planning every meeting and every moment that I feel like spending with the people I love
I want to be able to drop things at a moment's notice to be side-to-side with the people I love and care and selfishly would like the same from them in the time of need
I want to be able to show off my little day-to-day victories or my kids accomplishments before that moment has passed
I want to witness the special moments in 'my peoples' lives right then
I want to be in a place where I will be missed when I don't show up one day
I want to be in a place where the difference I make will make a difference to me

So, for me Home and Life is where my Heart feels alive and kicking... my head and heart will come to terms one day I hope.... until then I will be working on negotiating between them....

Leader - My Review

2010-03-23T14:05:00.029-04:00

Spoiler alert - If you have not watched the recent Telugu Movie - Leader, please be aware that this post may spoil it for you. To start off, I think I am probably the first one on the planet or at least will belong to a select minority on the planet that have been disappointed by this movie. It is possible, that all the hype generated made me expect way too much from the film. To set the record straight, I certainly liked the overall concept, the gripping screenplay, the characters, the actors and of course the powerful dialogs that hit us when we realize how pathetic the state of Indian politics is. You also have to commend Sekhar Kammula for being bold enough to take the path that has been less traveled. That said, I feel the movie showed and addressed only a part of the overall situation and in my naïve imagination, I was expecting to see Sekhar Kammula show us a complete end to end journey of a ‘Leader’ as he navigates through the Indian political landscape to emerge as a true leader. To make myself clear, here are specifically two things that made me feel the movie fell short in my expectations:

The way Arjun Prasad plays the game and becomes the CM in the first half of the movie conveyed to me that even if one wants to be an honest politician he needs to have the resources – monetary and contacts to be able to actually reach to a position of some power that can make an impact. So, it seemed like it was Sekhar Kammula’s view on how Y.S Jagan could have reacted during the turmoil A.P went through when his father Y.S Rajasekhar Reddy died unexpectedly and the Congress party was searching for an able successor. This is definitely a clever way to play the system and if only Jagan was like that, it would have certainly brought in a fresh wave of hope to the A.P political scene. However, let’s say someone like JP garu had the same intention, could he have pulled it off given his limited monetary resources? I used to think and imagine that one way to clean the political system is if smart, educated youngsters get into the field, but do they have any hope or chance of succeeding unless they have loads of money to spare like the Scindias, Pilots, Gandhis, Nandamuri clan or the YS clan??? But, they are only a handful.. What about the others like you and me who have the interest, but not necessarily the monetary power? I guess Sekhar best represented what is possible today given the state, but again I was hoping to see something even more smart and heroic by showing a common man do it rather than someone who has thousands of crores freely available.
Arjun Prasad’s inner turmoil when he realizes he is also becoming just another politician and his transformation into a People’s Leader (independent party, padayatra and all) was all very hard hitting and realistically portrayed, but that is still just the first step. I would have really liked to see how he moved forward after that. So, how does he actually navigate the system and achieve his goals of ‘Avineethi Nirmulana’ and ‘Kula Vyavastha nashanam’ is not shown at all. I expected to see how this young dynamic leader like Arjun Prasad can in fact make the Government more transparent and perhaps bring in a more corporate like results oriented working culture in the Government. Is that a long fetched dream.. can we get there?

Having followed the recent elections in A.P, the turmoil during YSR’s death and the most recent Telengana debacle, I am definitely not disillusioned or naïve to think that the solutions are straightforward and do realize that whatever change we want to see has to start from ourselves and it will still take many many years or generations before we see it take fruit. Oh well, may be there will be a sequel answering my questions or maybe it’s within each of us to find our own answers if we are truly interested. Another way to look at it is: Nobody actually showed the answers or the path to the likes of Bhagat Singh, Subash Chandra Bose, Gandhi, Nehru, etc., They each found their own way during India’s freedom struggle.. Similarly, we each need to find our own path to navigate the important Political struggle that India is going through now… the real question is ‘Do we care to do it right and even if we care, can we dare to do it?’

Reminiscing my summer holidays

2010-03-11T13:29:00.020-05:00

As I am frantically figuring out summer camps, pickup and drop off schedules for the kids for this summer, I remembered my summer holidays back in India and wondered how they were so simple, yet so enjoyable and memorable.

Like many other kids of my generation, my memories of summer are filled with loads of carefree childhood moments, lots of time with family, grandparents, totally unstructured and un-planned. For today's camp going highly scheduled kids, this may seem too 'boring', but let me try to describe why those summers were so much fun and so memorable.

To start off, most of my childhood summers were spent in grandparents' houses in Vijayawada(VJA)and Guntur(GNT). Since we lived in Ammasandra, Mom usually started off the planning for the summer sometime in Feb-March. I remember how every year it started off with Mom asking Daddy if we should go and if he could join us too. Daddy was not a man of many words and I remember how Mom used to try and guess what he was thinking/feeling based on his gestures and his single word answers.. she used to go through this dilemma every year - is Dad upset that we want to leave him alone for those 1-1.5 months, will he be too lonely by himself, how about his food at home, etc etc., So, every year like a ritual, this back and forth would go on between Mom and Dad and eventually the result used to be pretty much the same - Mom, Anita and I would go by ourselves to VJA in mid-late April and Dad joined us just before the end of the vacation and all of us came back together in early June.

Now, once we went through the ritual and decide (the same way) each year, the next step used to be the booking of the train tickets. Once the tickets arrived in our hand, the excitement would start and the countdown began in our heads which made the whole ordeal of 'Final exams' seem very bearable.

As we got closer to the departure date, I remember Mom taking care of all the packing for us, shopping and stocking up for the journey and the groceries for Daddy and making her long lists of various things (things to pack, things to tell Daddy, things to instruct the cook/maid, gifts to buy, etc, etc). Once all the lists were ready and disposed to whoever, all the packing done and 'D' day was here, I used to get all giddy with excitement just thinking of the train journey, the destination, the fun awaiting us. Mom used to stock up with lots of snacks and books (Amar Chitra Kathas to be precise) to keep us occupied during the train journey (it was a 16-18 hr journey). Within an hour into the journey, I would start getting restless and counting down the hours. Mom used to try hard to not let me get lost in other compartments or wander off with some strangers and somehow we all managed every year to reach Vijayawada safely. Baba used to wait for us in the train station with so much anticipation and I remember running and jumping into his arms every single year.

Now, once we reached home and greeted grandma (Annamma for me), V.akka, S.Anna, Subamma (our family cook for generations), the only agenda or real plan for the rest of the 1.5 months was to 'Just be'.... Imagine that.. no plan, no camps, no classes, no timetables, just be home, spend time with people at home, play with kids in the neighborhood, eat mangoes, eat all the food that is being cooked and served at regular intervals, eat snacks that are readily available, enjoy the heat. I remember spending the mornings walking around in the yard, plucking different kinds of twigs and leaves, plucking guavas and other fruits/vegetables that were ready, afternoons were for climbing onto windows or trees, play cricket on the road or in our yard, or on really hot days stay indoors and read books or listen to the radio or take a nice nap, evenings were spent playing with the kids in the neighborhood and waiting for the ice cream cart. It is during those afternoons and evenings that I learnt how to ride a bike, rode a homemade razor scooter like thing, picked up my badminton and cricketing skills, etc.,

In addition, an important to-do on Mom's list was visiting all the family members (we didn't know the meaning of "extended family" those days... so everyone was considered 'family') in and around the area. The Rickshaw rides to their houses, playing with the cousins there and kids in that neighborhood, eating food/snacks they offered.. all seemed like perfectly fun ways to spend the day. I don't remember complaining of 'boredom' even though we never really had a TV to watch, no video games, no Nintendos, Xboxes, Z boxes, etc The ocassional outing to the movies had to be really earned since kids were not allowed to watch any and every movie and somehow it didn't even bother us since we always had kids to play with and windows and trees to climb onto.

The scorching summer heat didn't really bother us that much either and we were perfectly happy with a ceiling fan in the room and some cool water from the mud pot or fridge and a dash of Nycil prickly heat powder on the neck to ward off the heat. Sleeping outside with the breeze swaying the trees in the yard, while we chatted about everything under the sun and counted the stars up in the sky was an awesome way to end each day.

We usually split our time between VJA (Mom's side) and Guntur (Dad's side) and although the location changed, the plan or the non-plan for our summer days was pretty much the same and it was also pretty much the same year after year and yet, thats exactly what we looked forward to the entire year.

Living.. Growing.. Keeping touch

2010-02-25T10:07:00.010-05:00

Give me some sunshine

Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again

Oh, the movie 3 Idiots brought back so many memories, so many moments that were precious to me all along but, somehow seemed to have been buried below all the others that got added on top of them. Coincidentally, 2010 marks the 20 years since I moved out of home (for those trying to calculate my age.. yeah I moved out in 1990 to go to RECW and now you do the Math). This means I crossed the mid-way mark of away vs. home few yrs back already. Somehow this revelation suddenly made me feel lot more burdened with responsibility.. not sure what this means. I am officially an Adult now or have been for many years now, have to be more responsible for my decisions and am moving from being a small stem on the family tree to building a whole branch/section of the tree myself.

I am starting to visualize some of the readers saying ‘Come on, Grow up already’… I know I know.. but, there is such security and sense of freedom in childhood that we don’t realize until and unless we passed that stage already… what irony???. The old telugu song ‘Edhagadaniki Emduku raa thondara…edara brathukantha chindara vandara….’ seems very apt and if I could sing, I would sing this for my kids now :)
But, what I still have with me are the wonderful memories, the life lessons, principles and values that I imbibed by doing nothing, but just growing up and seeing the people around me live their lives the way they did. I am just thankful now that I had such excellent examples around me to build my foundation upon. There is some purity and innocence in the principles that one imbibes as a child, that often get challenged as we grow up and move out into this world on our own and during those tests of time, it’s the strength of one’s foundation and the support system around us that help us stay our course. Now, how do I stay in touch with my memories and keep them alive and fresh so they are not completely overwritten or overflown by others that keep getting added to that stack.. I guess I can do that by trying to re-live some of those with my children now.
In short, ‘In Life, there is time for everything and everything takes its own time’.

Now, please don't get any ideas that I am experiencing some symptoms of mid-life crisis... ofcourse I am too young for that !!

3 Idiots on 3 benches - Not a movie review

2009-12-30T13:49:00.033-05:00

Ok.. being Captain Obvious, I think 3 Idiots is an awesome movie... thoroughly entertaining with a crisp screenplay and never a dull moment. Reviewing and raving about the movie is not the point of this post. The movie had a simple message which is to "Follow your passion and chase excellence…Success will follow you. Well, this is a message that is very easy to say and sounds like Common Sense 101 yet, not so easy to follow.... let me explain:

Broadly speaking, the movie shows three kinds of people:

The first benchers - those who are labeled as 'successful' either because they are following their passion and getting better and better at it or because they are working extremely hard at whatever they are doing and so all that hard work eventually pays in some shape or form of ‘success’ - Rancho, Chatur
The last benchers – those who are clearly struggling and barely making it in the so called mainstream because their heart is not where their head tries to be. - Farhan, Raju(really? Not sure)
All others in-between – Everyone else in between who are just flowing along since they don't know any better. There is an important and clear distinction between the 'in-betweeners' and the last benchers in that the in-betweeners are not resisting the mainstream (since they don’t know any other flow) and are just flowing with the flow while the last benchers are resisting the flow since their heart is on something else. - I think Raju actually belongs in this in-betweeners category

I think the movie tries to say in a very entertaining way that once the 'last benchers' shift their classrooms to ones where their heart is, then they will automatically become 'first benchers'. This is definitely possible and makes sense. Now, what about all the in-betweeners? This group in my opinion is the majority of the population out there. These are people who are just flowing with the flow, never got to find their true passion for one reason or the other.

Now, why do I think the message in the movie is easier said than done: Most of the people in this in-betweeners category are in that due to a wide range of reasons - cultural, societal, circumstantial, etc. For instance, what if someone like Farhan never had the means or chances to explore photography with a camera, when would he have actually found that interest in him? What if Farhan never had a friend like Rancho who guides and pushes him towards pursuing his passion? I know the western education system offers more opportunities to explore before deciding on a career path, but even in such a system, one has to do the exploring and 'figuring out' before the decision points. Those who somehow miss finding their passion during the exploration stage, end up making decisions mostly based on peers' or parents' advice/pressure.

How do these people pause later on to find their true passion.. do they just wait for life's twists and turns to unfold this for them? I know amongst this group, there is a small group that actually manages to find that passion somehow and also has the courage and practical means to shift course along the way and there are many others who either lack the courage/means to pursue what they found or are too lost in the 'flow' that they fail to notice the 'find'.

What am I trying to say: Nothing new that has not been said before...just pondering over my after-movie thoughts as I figure out which bench I belong to.

Ultimately, how much does this matter in the grand scheme of life? We can certainly not be in this continuous quest for something else...I think life is not a race, but a journey and as long as we are open to experiencing and enjoying it as such, we will all find our joys as we reach our destination (destiny?).

Arre Bhaiyya Aal izz well in the end and if it's not well, it's not the end.

Seeing Life's Simple Pleasures - through my mother's eyes

2009-12-17T22:18:00.028-05:00

A friend of mine recently suggested I do something that Mommy enjoyed doing as a way of commemorating her and also feeling better myself. This got me thinking as to what were the things that Mom enjoyed and it was somewhat of a revelation to me that she found her joy and pleasure in the simplest of things in life. Yes, she did dream big especially when it was to help set goals for us and to show us all the possibilities we could aim for, but for her it were just those simple things that made her happy and content.

Topping the list I think were these 3 things: Good company, Good music and Good books. She enjoyed company and entertaining people at home would give her an energy boost always. She was a perfectionist in most cases and kind of believed that there was always an optimal way of doing things and a lot of meticulous planning went into arranging any get-together at home. She liked to make her guests feel special and make the whole experience smooth flowing and easy for them. Yes, this meant a lot of hardwork from her side, but the joy and satisfaction she got from that, is perhaps what drove her. What gave her utmost joy is seeing us - the close friends and family around her happy.. she always told Anita and me that we were her strength and source of joy and somehow I feel she really meant it.. she could easily brush aside her own struggles to share and bear our frustrations and even our smallest of accomplishments was enough to make her forget her pain and truly celebrate with us. She was a loyal friend/family and offered a shoulder to cry to anyone that needed it and cheered along for anyone that deserved it.

Music and Books were her best friends and she could immerse herself in those for hours together and also into the wee hours of the night. She enjoyed collecting and sharing excerpts from her favorite songs or books with others and this collection is now for us to cherish for generations to come. Growing up, I remember Mom sharing some literary pieces or some music clips with us pretty regularly and even after we left home, she had a set ready for us when we went home for holidays.

Now, how can I forget... there is one more thing she thoroughly enjoyed and that's shopping(for clothes, decorative pieces and any knick knacks). Actually, what she liked most about this was shopping for someone else i.e., gifts. She used to enjoy thinking through in painstaking detail what the other person liked/disliked and carefully picking something unique and meaningful for them. Even with clothes or other things, she enjoyed not just looking at the collection, but spent more time in giving them her personal touch by adding or changing a little something to personalize and give them her touch of style.

Finally, the most amazing thing about Mom was how even with her health issues, she made her regular day to day life interesting and she learnt how to enjoy simple things, like she looked forward to her evening cup of tea with some good music on the side or a particular show on TV, or her visit to the temple, or a phone call from us, or a nap with one of the grandkids, etc, etc.

Going back to the original intent of why I started reminiscing all this, if I have to do now what Mom enjoyed most... all I have to do is be happy and content and enjoy life which in turn will make her very happy. But Mom, its sooooo hard not to miss you.. I know you are not with us now, but I cannot accept that you are not there for us.. I feel and believe you are always there for us showering your blessings and guarding us fiercely against anything that can hurt us. Happy Birthday Mommy wherever you are...

Mumbai Terrorist Attacks - An year later

2009-11-21T09:25:00.010-05:00

My friend, Kanth's post reminded me that its already an year since the tragic, heinous terrorist attacks in Mumbai. It is also almost an year since we (small group of like minded friends and family) organized a grassroots level 'Non-Corruption Day' on Dec 18th, 2008. So, as I am trying to evaluate and see how much we have progressed or not towards a safer, less corrupt world, I am rather disappointed to say that we have not shown much noticeable/measurable progress.

However, I am very optimistic about few things:

- I see a number of grassroots level campaigns (one more) kicked off to spread awareness around social responsibility and taking control into our hands. Although, such campaigns take years before showing a measurable improvement, I am positive that they planted a seed of rationality, social responsibility and clarity of thought in many many people.

- I noticed a positive change during the recent elections in India. We chose stability over communal differences, we chose not to get carried away by the glamor of the candidates like Chiranjeevi, we chose to give J.P. garu a chance albeit just one. People seem to be becoming more aware of what they are capable of and what they need to demand/expect from the politicians and leaders and are trying to make their voice heard one way or the other. This is encouraging.

- I see that the financial market meltdown initiated by glossy numbers not backed by strong financials helped us realize the value of 'true' potential vs. 'perceived' potential. This, I am imagining will help the world reset expectations and re-evaluate with more due diligence giving hope that meritocracy is what will triumph at the end of the day.

- I see my generation(the mid-30s) slowly, but surely shifting focus from just career/money towards self-realization and social responsibility.

- I see there is gradually more and more intellectual capital and entrepreneurial resources being poured into more socially uplifting ideas.

- I see our kids are now privy to lot more opportunities and avenues to explore and luckily for them their parents (our generation) have been lucky enough to be more educated than their previous generation, more worldly wise due to the early exposure they had to different cultures, countries, economies, etc and have the potential and means to guide them towards much more than just building a solid career, but also contributing towards building a solid global society.

So, in closing I think what I am most optimistic about is 'us' and 'our' power to influence others by example and our power to influence and guide our children towards becoming "Globally Aware Socially Responsible Citizens".

Teach to Learn

2009-11-03T13:46:00.016-05:00

One of our friends - Vishy had asked on facebook "What do you tell 400 graduating engineers at NIT Surathkal?" and some of the responses were:

"Get Real. Be open to new ideas, fields and skills.. never know where you will find your true passion"

"1. Tell them about importance of written down Goals and how it helps them achieve what they want in life..

2. Tell them there will be reasons to chase money but spiritual / value development will make the difference between the best and the rest."

"Tell them that they can no longer be taught, but they should never stop to learn."

The last one caught my attention and I started to ponder few things: How do you really teach someone how to learn and apply their learnings. I sometimes catch myself telling Avi 'Think Avi.. pay attention and think' and Thank God he didn't yet, but I wonder what I will say if he asks ''what do you mean by think?'

Also, another thing I wonder is how do you teach someone to have clarity of thought and be able to judge right vs. wrong. As I mentioned earlier, kids do have lot more influences in their day than just us parents and since we cannot be with them everytime they are making a decision - big or small, is there anyway we can instil in them the smarts to figure out what is right vs. wrong. A rule of thumb that Mom told me when I was young(er) was that if I am about to do something that I am not comfortable sharing and feel I should hide it from my parents/family, then its most probably wrong.

I think some of this decision making and deciphering skills are intuitive to humans just like breathing or eating or sleeping and as parents we need to constantly reinforce by setting an example than just preaching and lecturing. Perhaps, sometimes letting them fail or fall a bit so they understand the consequences is another effective way to teach a lesson that they will never forget.

Are there some other tips that other parents use to teach their kids right vs. wrong, good vs. evil?

My Mom and Dad

2009-11-01T21:36:00.019-05:00

Like so many things in life - Hindsight is 20/20 and similarly, I am able to see more clearly the strong bond that Mom and Dad shared after Mom's passing. I felt like writing this post commemorating the wonderful relationship they built. As I notice the current generation youngsters talking about 'finding' soul mates and such, it makes me wonder how our previous generation and in particular my parents got married first and then grew to become soul mates. There must be a definite something... perhaps a strong conviction and belief in the institute of marriage that makes them work hard on that relationship that makes them become soul mates.

Mom and Dad like many others in their generation were married very young and theirs was also an 'arranged' marriage. It seems like once they got married, they never had a question in their mind and just took the promise 'till death do us apart' to their heart and lived it day in and day out. Mom and Dad - externally were poles apart...She was the effervescent, expressive, talkative, naive, emotional kind of a person and he, the rock, very balanced, restrained and reticent kind of a person. But, what I know of them is this couple that complemented each other - she was the voice of the house and the implementer of the rules, while he, the rules maker, she was the fun mom who would let us have fun while still reminding us of our limits, while he the strict disciplinarian, she was the talking, walking center piece that weaved our family's relations with the extended family and world and Dad would follow her lead in these aspects. Like any other couple, we saw them argue, work things out and you could see their different personalities emerge once in a while, but it was their union that emerged even stronger and they were always a team.

There were things that they just did for each other and only they did.. for example, Mom was the one who would pack for Daddy for every single trip of his, she would be the one who took out his clothes each and every day. Dad would never have his lunch or dinner without mom and he would wait for her however late it got. Throughout mom's health issues and trials, Dad was the eternal optimist and never lost hope. It was his optimism that rubbed off on her as she fought the longest battle of her life.

With Dad's eternal optimism and strength in accepting life's realities and mom's 'never die' attitude and zest for life, they made a perfect pair and the best team together that tackled life and its curve balls with utmost dignity. As they say, "Marriages are made in heaven" and I am sure theirs was too. Although, it may seem like mom and dad were not made for each other at the outset, they sure 'Became for each other' and Daddy even now shows us what it means to be true 'Soul mates'.

Dil Bole Hadippa...My cricketing days

2009-10-07T21:02:00.015-04:00

There... Rani's movie (Dil Bole Hadippa) released after a long gap and ofcourse we had to go see it. It was a fun movie.. a typical Yash Raj movie.. that is beautiful, colorful, Indian and a perfect friday night movie with the family. As a bonus, I was able to recollect and relive my childhood cricketing days yet again. Some of you may know and others will know now after reading this.. I played lot of cricket growing up. It started pretty innocently when I started playing cricket with my neighborhood kids in Ammasandra and slowly it became more than just another game to play. We formed a team and I was thrilled to be selected as the 12th (wo)man :). To this day, I am not sure if I was more excited about the uniform and hat I got to wear or about the chance to actually play on the team.
Oh well, it was quite a proud moment, since I was not only the youngest member(was 7.5 I think while others were 11 and up) but also the only girl member. To confess, I don't think I was selected based on my world class batting, but more for the world class bat (or seemed that way compared to the plastic ones others had) that I had. Nevertheless, I didn't take my position on the team for granted, I used to wake up everyday at 6 to 'practice'. I don't remember what exactly I used to practice, but sure remember that the games wouldn't start until I reached the grounds... coz I had the bat remember !! I was given very special treatment during these practice sessions... like having a batsman to bat on my behalf while I stand next to him and just run when needed.. very funny coz I was actually the runner for my own batting because I was too scared to face the fast bowlers. I was allowed to not field because I used to fall asleep at the position (being so early in the morning and all).

I remember the "Big match" we had with our counterparts in the factory area (we were the mining area). I woke up early, wore my uniform and of course the hat and took the bus to reach the grounds which was opposite our family friends'(Shinghal Uncle) house. So, mom made sure that uncle and aunty would watch over me and feed me food, snacks, etc. Our team got to bat first and I actually faced the ball this time and did actually make contact once and got out on the second ball. This was achievement enough for me since I actually got to face a fast bowler without wetting my pants. Then, in the afternoon, I was very excited to be fielding and imagined myself saving all these runs, 4's, etc. But, not sure what happened.. must have been my nap time...I was too tired to stay awake or something like that and was taken to uncle's house for my nap. I was still thrilled because our team didn't lose miserably and put up a decent fight and I got to contribute to this team instead of just being a reserve.
I used to observe Daddy listen intently to the commentary on our radio at home and also the little pocket radio he used to take to office and as I used to imitate him in everything to be like him, I used to force myself to listen and follow the commentary. I still distinctly remember the days when Dad and I used to lie down on the bed with the little radio on the pillow between us, Dad following the commentary and me pretending to and bugging Daddy every 5 mins for the score. For the record, Sunil Gavaskar was my first cricket idol. I continued playing regularly with the boys and just like Veera in the movie, dreamt about playing for India and then Daddy told me about the women's team and Shanta Rangaswamy, the then captain of the Indian Women's Cricket team.. and then I went onto dream about playing on the Indian Women's team for many more years until ofcourse my dreams changed path and shape :)

Quotable Quotes - Commemorating Mommy

2009-09-09T13:23:00.014-04:00

“Smrityanjali” is our way to commemorate our Mother, Mrs. Gullapalli Sarala Devi who was a supporting wife, caring daughter, loving sister, loyal friend and as our mother was lot more to us than words can express. Most of us remember her for her effervescent spirit, child-like innocence, undying passion for giving and her knack of playing with words that are just right for any occasion or mood. Our mommy was never afraid of death… she was just not done living her life and we think this book compiled from her own collection is one way to keep her alive in all our hearts. - Anita, Vasantha

Mommy had this wonderful habit of collecting interesting literary pieces -- be it books or quotations or interesting writeups on any subject. Not only did she collect them, but she used to quote them at the most appropriate time or ocassion. She liked immensely to spread the little nuggets she collected to all those around her. After she passed away, we found many books filled with her collections and we felt getting this book published and passed on to our friends and family was a meaningful way to commemorate her. I am adding it to my blog here to make it available to my online readers as well.

Smrityanjali (in pdf format)

Some of my favorites from her collection are:

How Chapatis can be good for SEO too?

2009-08-26T09:10:00.022-04:00

Yes, you read it right.. making chapatis and more precisely, writing about 'making chapatis' can be very good for the SEO ranking of your website. Here is how I learned about it.. purely serendipity. I started this blog about 2 years back now. It was purely intended to be my own journal and I didn't plan to do anything special to attract traffic or followers as such. Slowly, some of my friends started enjoying my posts and ended up being regular visitors. So, sometime early this year, I started getting emails from random people and also strangers commenting about some post or the other. I got curious and enabled google analytics to learn more about the traffic pattern to my blog. I noticed that the traffic was very sporadic and also inconsistent. On days that I posted something, it would generally peak and this is most likely because I mention it to someone or share it on facebook or something like that. But, the point is this traffic was mostly driven by me personally or by people who accidentally bump into my blog somehow or the other.
This was pretty much the pattern until sometime in April of this year.
In April, I wrote a post about 'How to make soft chapatis'. I noticed after this point, traffic to my blog has been consistently increasing and also pretty consistent day to day.
See what I mean (this is my vists and pageviews graph from the Google analytics dashboard)

This got me curious and I started doing bit more analysis using the Google Analytics reports (which are awesome by the way and easy to use).
Few things that I learned upon analyzing:
- Useful Content: Well, however narcissistic you are, the first obvious principle is that you need to have something useful on your website. Your website needs to have content or tools that people find useful, fun or worth their time. As I said earlier, my blog was started and intended to be just my journal and so it was mostly relevant or useful only to people I knew. Slowly some of my posts were appealing to broader audience.. like when I wrote some movie reviews (Gandhi, My Father, Taare Zameen Par or Jodha Akbar, etc) or when I wrote about corruption in India and recent terror attacks in Mumbai and this is when I started getting some comments/messages from even total strangers since what I wrote probably sparked them in one way or the other. So, the bottom line is that if your website is deemed useful to the viewers in one way or the other, then they will come to your site. Now, assuming you have all the goodies that people are looking for on your website, how do you make it easier for them to find your site.. this is where SEO comes into play as one of the many marketing techniques.
- Evergreen Content: If your website is not something that is updated/refreshed daily with something relevant then having ever green content on the site is key to consistent traffic. News sites fall under the category of having daily content and so as long as they are a trusted news source with loyal users, they can have some consistent baseline traffic. Ofcourse, there are challenges to keep this loyalty given the increasing competition etc, but that is a different topic. So, for sites that are not refreshed daily, evergreen content is the Key.. By this I mean, content that is always relevant. So, it turns out 'How to make soft chapatis' is an evergreen question that people ask again and again and so this piece became evergreen on my blog. See what I mean: Here are the top posts with most traffic on my blog:

Notice: How the top pages all have titles that are very generic and pretty much 'evergeen' in nature.
- Title: Title of the article is another important factor that search engines use to rank relevancy. Apparently, I used the most appropriate title for the post and it had all the search keywords that users normally use right in the title which made it rank high in relevancy by the search engine. The title I used is 'How to make soft chapatis - 34,101st recipe for beginners'. I myself typed in 'how to make soft chapatis' in the google search bar when I wanted to get some recipes. Notice when I earlier wrote about movies, my titles were not good at all (SEO wise). For example, when I wrote about the movie 'Gandhi, my Father', my title was 'Father of the Nation...Mahatma'. It didn't say anything about the movie nor did it have good search keywords that people will use when they are searching for either that movie's reviews or even about Gandhi. See what I mean, here are the top keywords driving traffic to my blog as of this morning:

- Relevant content - Obviously, if one uses 'chapati' in the title, but writes just about their menu for the day and chapati happens to one of the items on the menu, then I bet that piece of content would not have ranked high when people are searching for 'chapati recipes'. So, it helped that I was true to the title and gave a real recipe for making chapatis and used all the appropriate words in describing the recipe that both people and smart search engines associate with recipes. On the contrary, going back to my example about my earlier post about the movie "Gandhi, my father" - my title and content were not exactly tied well together. The title doesn't indicate that it is in fact a post about this movie.
- Keywords in URL - This is another aspect of the content that search engines weigh in and it so happens blogger is really good at generating URLs with the right keywords from the title of the post. I cannot take credit for this, but this must have certainly helped.
I know the science of driving SEO rankings is not something simple with a one size fits all prescription. Lot of website developers whose bread and butter depends on driving page views to their site spend months and months analyzing user behavior, brand association to keywords people use, traffic trends by days/times, common keywords used by users while looking for their site and come up with various strategies with content, metadata, URL structures, page layouts, etc to get as many clicks to their website as possible, but this little analysis on my blog helped me understand and appreciate all those principles and techniques a little better.
There may be few other reasons for this traffic pattern on my blog, but this is the position I have today which I am kinda proud of:

My new blog

2009-08-13T14:09:00.004-04:00

Announcing the launch of my new blog.... which is 'Project Management is NOT for dummies' It may sound narcissistic, but hopefully as I write more and more about the various nuances of project management, I will be able to convince you all as to why 'Effective Project Management' is not just something that you can learn from books, but more a personality that you need to build..

The curtain raises and always falls...

2009-06-26T11:47:00.009-04:00

As I was reading, watching and pondering over the recent news about Michael Jackson's death and all the related stories mushrooming all over about his life, what he was and what he was not, what he had and what he had not, one thing that jumped at me was - how in birth and death, we are all exactly the same... its just the time in between that is 'to each their own'. If you compare this to a movie, imagine if every single movie started the same way and ended the same way, but with a different plot in between.. how interesting or rather how boring would that be...and would we want to still keep going and watching those movies. But, here is where comes the genius of our Creator... it seems like He has an unlimited supply of screenplays up his sleeve and although He brings us all into this being the same way and takes us away in the same way, he makes the period in-between so interesting and totally action packed and a nail-biting suspense thriller right until the very end.
Something I read recently also stayed with me... its about the purity in a child's smile/joy. When we are born, we are so pure, devoid of any expectations from the world, from each other and can accept anything and everything just for what it is. This purity gives us the ability to feel the pure love, sheer happiness without too much analysis and reasoning. As we grow older and older and our reasoning power develops, it also takes away our ability to accept things just as is.. we start to analyze and over-analyze each interaction, situation, start to plan and over-plan our days, our life and slowly lose the ability to just live in the moment and experience the moment.
Ok.. I think I am getting confusing now...just recollect the last time you saw a smile or joy on a child's face.. it is so pure, children just feel the love when you give them a little hug or a little smile or even a little lollipop and experience it whole heartedly... now lets say we did the same to another 'grown up' person, the first thing they start to think is 'why did this person be nice to me? Does he/she want something from me? How should I react? I don't want to look dumb or silly... lemme just ignore for now... so on and so forth' and in the process completely miss enjoying/feeling that smile or love. Imagine.. if only we could preserve the child like purity through out life and experience life for what it is....
Anyway, so as the curtain of our life is lifted, we all start off the same way...as a little baby with so much purity. Then, as the movie starts reeling, our lives transform from one to the other just as the caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, there are also so many expectations built, impressions made, there are so many bonds made, so many bonds broken, there are so many emotions experienced, so many of so many things happen in between making us constantly thinking or planning for 'what next'... and then suddenly..poof....He decides.. 'Time is up'... and the curtain comes down. The curtain raising and the curtain closing are the constant and everything in between... is what we call Life... a Live Movie where characters are all real and not fictitious, but not representing any other person living or dead.. each character is absolutely unique...

So, what exactly am I trying to convey: NOTHING. Don't read too much into it.. its just me expressing my conundrum of thoughts, confusions and musings... that's all

Just learning to live with it

2009-06-01T14:13:00.006-04:00

Ani and I started talking, planning for Mom’s 1yr anniversary and I cannot really believe it’s almost a year since her passing. I remember rushing to Hyd on July 13th, 2008 as the doctors thought she was ‘critical’. The next 3 weeks felt like being caught in the worst tornado of our lifetime as we saw mommy slowly but surely slipping away. She was becoming more and more 'distant' and I think that was God’s way of preparing Mom and us for what was coming or rather going.
The days, weeks and the months following that have been somewhat of a roller coaster ride as we try to slip back into our lives. I remember people trying to console us saying ‘Only time can heal this pain’.. I really don’t think this pain can be healed and this is called 'healing'.. its just getting used to living with this pain. There have been days when I cannot shake her off my head, there have been times when I am missing her most and thats when I most definitely feel her presence and hear her voice in my head as though trying to tell me that she has not gone away, but is still part of our lives. There are also times when I feel she is putting in a word to God on our behalf and taking care of matters for us from up there.
I know we have our lives to go on and in addition to the memories of the past, we still have lot more memories to build upon in our lives, kids, etc but there is this part of me that just cannot feel the same again.. I cannot pin point what it is, but there is something that is lost.. its probably the secure feeling of having mom to run to with anything and everything, its probably the craving for her hug, its probably her sympathetic ear that listened attentively to anything small or big and her reassurance that things will be ‘just fine’. There is no cure to this pain.. am just learning to live with it.

Doctors, Practitioners and all

2009-05-20T09:26:00.011-04:00

I have been dealing with a few doctors lately for some minor issues (Thank God.. they were just minor annoyances and not more than that). First for the disclaimers: I have the highest regard for the medical profession and think it’s a true Gift to be able to be in that field that can have real life impact every single day. I am also surrounded by a family of doctors and I dare not offend any of them :)

Anyway, interestingly, I came across these definitions for Doctor, Practitioners and they made me ponder:

Physician/Doctor: A physician, medical practitioner, doctor of medicine, or medical doctor practices medicine, and is concerned with maintaining or restoring human health through the study, diagnosis, and treatment ofdisease and injury

Practioner:
An individual who supplies health care services, ie, physician, psychologist, nurse practitioner.
Someone who practices a learned profession.

I think (don’t mean to simplify) the art and science of proper diagnosis involves processing of a massive flowchart with the answers we give to doctors’ questions and/or the symptoms we describe, helping the doctor traverse the flowchart. In the simple cases, this following through the chart will lead to a fairly solid conclusive diagnosis and that leads to a fairly sure shot treatment. Now, as things get a bit more complex or tricky which I assume they often do, the flow through the chart may not lead to a conclusive diagnosis and this is when you can differentiate a good/experienced doctor vs. a not so great one The good ones look beyond the flowchart and use other data points such as their own experience from seeing other patients and other characteristics of the patient itself and generally from these can come up with a good game plan on how to proceed, but the not so good ones end up looking for guidance from the textbooks and end up ‘practicing’ his profession and not playing the real game. (Pun intended).

So, what does one do if they are caught in these practice games?.. well.. lets hope they play well so we get out of the game altogether. If not, what works for me is to get a second opinion and that’s usually from one of the doctors in the family or rather mostly from my bro (who I think is the best doctor in the whole world) and decide if its time to switch doctors or stick to the practice game.

Disclaimer again: This post is not intended to offend Doctors or the Medical profession.. it is just a post reminiscing my recent experiences.

Imagine That

2009-05-06T17:17:00.013-04:00

Ever since I became a parent, I sometimes feel the need to be more in control of our lives. I want to be able to give my children the best possible life, protect them from anything that can cause them pain or sadness and do whatever it takes to see them have a long happy fruitful life, full of love, laughter and dreams coming true.

I know there are a lot of things in our control on how we shape our life, future, how we have the choice of making the best out of every situation.
But, when I read about all the crime, illnesses, hardships that people face around the world, it feels like there is a lot that is not exactly in our control and people like me who believe in God or some superior power above us believe that whatever is happening is according to His grand scheme and believe He has this whole thing figured out and has a rhyme and reason for every single occurrence of good, bad and the ugly,

Some people say God created ‘Evil’ so we can appreciate the ‘Good’, God created Darkness so we can appreciate the Light, God created Sickness so we can appreciate Health. But, how can I teach my kids to be honest when we see honesty is not always rewarded and the path of honesty is more often a tough one with lots of obstacles; How can I teach my kids the value of hard work , sincerity and perseverance when they and us see lots of examples of people who cheat, ‘play the politics’ or indulge in some other form of corruption and yet make it to the top accolades; How can I teach my kids to be socially responsible and help others irrespective of color, caste, religion when we see people killing each other in the name of religion, color or some other petty reason and yet get away with little to no punishment;

I am not saying we should all give up on teaching and showing our kids Good vs. Bad. I just wonder if we really need to see all this Bad to be able to appreciate the Good
Imagine a world where there is nothing bad.. can’t we all just live happily and go through the circle of life in a more predictable manner....The same God who created all this could have chosen to not create this much of the Bad.. isn’t it? Sorry, God with all due respect to your powers and greatness.. I just don’t get it.. do we really need to see this much of chaos…..obviously I don't know a lot of stuff about God, Evolution and all that. But, I have the power to dream and imagine and I will continue to dream and imagine a world where everything is just ‘Good’ and ‘Beautiful’ and everybody is just 'Happy'...

Getting the most bang for each day

2009-04-23T09:07:00.005-04:00

We have all heard, read about 'living in the moment', 'getting the most out of life', 'find your passion before the grim reaper arrives', etc. But, here is a different twist to that....read on
Now, if you think our average lifespan is about 70yrs ( Current World Average is 70 as per wikipedia and there are variations by gender, race, etc and all that is besides the point anyway)
This translates to ~25,500 days in all. That sounds like a lot of days.
Now, the first 6-7 years which translates to ~2500 days we are mostly happy and have pretty good time in general.
Its from about 7 years old or so that we start experiencing moods and seem to somewhat understand/experience different emotions and start to form our own outlook towards life. (Disclaimer: I am sure this definitely varies from individual to individual and I am no expert in the area of how the human brain develops through the years and this is just purely from my observation of my boys)
So, its really about 63 years translated to ~23000 days that we have to play with and can choose to do whatever we want with these days.
Now, let's say we use this comparison: What if we are given a total of $23,000 for our entire life and we are asked to live our life with it. For most of us, the natural instinct would be to try and maximize what we can get from these 23 thousand dollars.. we will do all kinds of research and bargain hunting to get the most 'bang for our buck'. We will try to invest in it to stretch that pool and so on..
What if we view our days the same way too and try to get the most 'bang for each day'.. find our passion, do something each day that will make you truly happy, invest in it so you can stretch your days and stretch the quality of those days..

How to make soft chapatis - the 34,101st recipe for beginners

2009-04-17T16:20:00.009-04:00

So.. about 3 weeks ago I started my quest in the land of chapati making. Why.. you may wonder, well.. coming from a rice eating state of AP, chapatis and rotis were not a regular item on the menu in our house, but lately I have realized the health effects this may have and wanted to replace rice with the healthier option of Whole Wheat Chapatis. So...I decided to have me-made chapatis for dinner everyday. My memories of my previous attempts which ended in crispy or sometimes hard leather like chapatis did scare me a bit, but this time I was determined to put in more effort and give it my 100% for at least 2 weeks before giving it all up again. I even thought of another option of developing a taste for crispy chapatis viewing them just like the mexican hard tacos, but that idea didn't go too far and I had no option but to learn making soft chapatis.
So, my first step was to go to Google and type: 'How to make soft chapathis?' I was prompted by the spell-checker and learnt that the correct spelling is 'Chapati' and not 'Chapathi'. Really...I am still not too sure, but Google says it, so it must be correct :-)
Anyway, my google search resulted in about 34,100 results and after reading a few, I realized there are some very elaborate recipes which pretty much nullify the health effects of going with whole wheat chapatis by adding butter to the dough or some such thing. Then there are other recipes that are just way too complicated for me to follow with a number of different ingredients that need to be precisely measured, kneaded, etc. Finally, I found a set of "least common denominator" instructions that most of the recipes included and I decided to go with those. Now, its been about 17 days since I started and I have been able to consistently make soft chapatis that stay soft for 24 hrs and beyond. This post is my attempt at not just becoming the 34,101st result, but to help a beginner chapati maker like myself with some simple/easy tips that he/she can master in a short amount of time.

So, here you go (pay special attention to the ones in italics):
1. I used the Laxmi Brand Whole Wheat Flour (nothing added)
2. Take 2 cupts of the flour, 1/2 teaspoon of Norton salt
3. Some Hot Water
4. Some milk * - Definitely makes a difference. Without this, I didn't get them as soft
5. 2 teaspoons of oil
6. Knead the flour into dough * - in the end, the dough should not be sticking to your hands. If it does, add more flour and it should be almost like chewing gum. Knead at least for 15mins
7. Keep the dough aside for at least 30 mins with a little damp wash cloth covered on it. What worked even better is when I made the dough in large quantity and stored it in the Fridge overnight. The chapatis came out even softer next day onwards
8. When you are ready to make chapatis, put the tawa on the stove and let it heat up
9. Make balls - You will need to try couple of times before fixing on a size that works for you
10. Roll into chapati - not too thick or too thin
11. Wait for tawa to be fully hot * - this is very important and made a difference.
12. Put the rolled chapati on the tawa
13. Wait couple of minutes and you will notice very small bumps and then turn to other side * - if this takes longer because the tawa is not hot enough in step 11, the chapati ends up being more harder and crispy like papad
14. On this side, use a damp cloth or paper towel and press around, while the chapati puffs
15. After all the chapati has puffed, turn to other side and repeat step 14
16. You can store in a hot box/casserole now as is or apply just little oil and store * - Oil didn't make much difference to the softness, but does a bit to the taste and feel

That's it.. Now, if I have ready dough in the fridge, about 5-6 chapatis which is what we need for one meal in our house takes about 20mins or less. Now, I am motivated to keep this going hoping I can always find 20mins before dinner to make yummy me-made whole wheat chapatis.
Whether I have mastered it or not, only time will tell, but I am pretty confident that if I keep doing what I am doing now, I will get soft chapatis in the end.
Hope these instructions will prove useful to someone who doesn't want to go with the other time-tested options of buying them from a store or someone else.
I know it has been just few days and so I cannot consider myself an expert. Please drop me a line if you have tried these tips and the result has been different or if you think I was just plain lucky in getting them soft.

Being a woman...

2009-04-16T08:51:00.007-04:00

Our upanishads said this already:

Karyeshu dasi, Karneshu mantri,
Roopeshu Lakshmi, kshameshu dharitri,
Bhojeshu matha, Shayaneshu vaishya,
Shatkarma nari, Kuladharma pathni.

The following is more real and is very well expressed and it definitely deserves a spot in my blogland. I received this in email this morning and it certainly jump-started my day and made me feel somewhat special and proud.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the coffee, first thing in the morning and cook
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,
and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,
a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as
to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house – your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most
importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

Please appreciate "HER"

Live your life.. find your passion before the grim reaper comes

2009-04-02T14:42:00.007-04:00

Randy Pausch became a celebrity when he delivered his Last Lecture on Sept 18th, 2007. His lecture and his life touched me like it did millions around the world. One of the quotes and slides he used in his lecture 'Tigger or Eeyore' sticks with me and I think of it many many times when I am trying to cheer myself up.

"It is not about how to achieve your dreams; it's about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the Karma will do its thing and the dreams will come to you"

I recently came across another video of him addressing the CMU graduates and I think, as always his message about living life to the fullest and finding your passion before the grim reaper arrives seems like common sense but, it is impactful and thought provoking.

He talks about not chasing after money or 'things' since those never fill you up.. its finding your passion and chasing it that matters. Living the life where people around you love you and respect you for what you are is the ultimate honor. Great speech... nice message.. emotional ending...so here it is.

Me, me and myself

2009-04-01T16:46:00.006-04:00

There is this thing going on on Facebook where people put in 25 Random things about themselves and then tag a bunch of people. People who get tagged have to now say the 25 Random things about themselves, tag others and it goes on....I was tagged recently and that got me get into introspective mode a bit and here is my list... take it for what it is... with a grain of salt and lots of sense of humor please :-)
1. I am cusp of leo and virgo and I think that’s part reason for my split personality. People close to me say I have more of leo qualities in me.

2. When working in groups, I like to work on team dynamics, mentoring people and creating environments that bring the best out of people.

3. I take my commitments very seriously however small or hard they are.. once I commit, I don’t go back on it easily. My pet peeve is when people don’t live up to their commitments and the one that ticks me off most is about timeliness

4. I am a hands-on mom also, which I am really proud of ( I need to let go of the guilt that I am a working mom).

5. I am a very emotional person especially about family. I can cry upon a drop of a hat

6. I was always a tomboy, in my thinking, dressing etc. I hated to be dressed like a girl when I was growing up and even now I am most comfortable with my comfy pair of jeans and a good shirt or nice shalwar kameez... don't like saris at all.

7. Mom was my first best friend even before I knew what friendship was about.. I knew she always brought out the best in me and did not judge me for anything whatsoever. My sister is almost like second mom to me now.. and thanks Mommy for giving her

8. I was very close to my mom (I still am in a way) and I miss her terribly and want to keep her spirit alive by doing the things she liked to do…which was ‘Giving’

9. I never really "knew" my sister growing up.. we did nothing together during the day since I was busy playing outside while she was busy in front of the mirror or with her books but, I remember holding onto her hand real tight while sleeping at night

10. I met my husband, Chandu on a Badminton court.. we were mixed doubles partners and he even hit hard once that my nose bled.. now why did I end up marrying him??? long story for another time

11. I value honesty and integrity a lot and that’s what made me fall in love with Chandu. He got on my list of Best friends and I have really high expectations of him (you know that Chandu, don’t you?)

12. I love logic in most of the aspects in life and I really appreciate logical explanation for anything not understood by me. I am also superstitious about somethings and do follow them more ‘just in case’.. do you see a pattern of the 'cuspiness' here?

13. I am an orange belt in karate and would like to pursue that more someday as a hobby along with Badminton

14. Growing up, I wanted to be the First Woman Air Chief Marshall, Prime Minister of India, Indian Cricket Team Captain, Basketball Player, IAS Officer and am really not sure how I ended up being a Program Manager here in Dow Jones

15. I like to exercise more for the feeling afterwards. I am yet to find my favorite activity that I will not get bored with after few months.

16. I love to read, watch movies and have intellectual discussions with people. I also love listening to music and I like to be heard through my blog.

17. I am passionate about giving something back to the society and strongly believe in 'Being the change I want to see in the world' and hope to take this up more seriously soon.

18. I hate conflicts and in a conflict situation, I usually just try to change/mend myself somehow to get over it. The hardest lesson I learnt is that I cannot please everyone.

19. I am usually very hard on myself and have high expectations of myself and think somehow I can do a lot of things including solving World Hunger if I put in the right attitude and effort

20. I am not comfortable behind the wheel and not sure what induced this fear.. perhaps being caught by Daddy one morning racing on my bicycle with an autorickshaw in Hyderabad..contributed to it

21. I totally enjoy my morning cuppa without any interruptions. Like to have it before the boys in the home get up.

22. I thrive on planning, lists and being prepared. Excel is one of my favorite tools

23. My sister’s biggest enemy was my best friend while growing up ( all my friends were boys while growing up and I would only play cricket, jungle, war games, bicycle racing with them)

24. I look forward to seeing my boys as compassionate people, caring husbands and most importantly happy in whatever they choose to do and of course as handsome dudes(as my sister puts it)

25. A lot of my family and friends don’t know my real name. I am most popularly known by my pet name - Mickey

26. My nose influences by taste buds. If I don't like the smell of something I will either just not eat it or am damn sure will not like the taste

To all the teachers out there...

2009-03-13T10:57:00.020-04:00

"Guru Brahma Guru Vishnu Guru Devo Maheshwara
Guru Sakshath Parambrahma Tasmai Shri Gurave Namaha"

Meaning: The teacher is creator Brahma; he is preserver Vishnu; he is also the destroyer Siva and he is the source of the Absolute. I offer all my efforts to that great teacher.

Last night Chandu showed me some pictures of some old students of Mavayya (FIL) felicitating their teachers from High School and it reminded me how for most of us even as years pass by and we move far and away finding our nook and corner in this wide world, our childhood teachers form a special place in our memory bank.
The Sanskrit word of teacher – Guru, means someone who guides us in all walks of our life and leads us from darkness to light and leads us in our journey towards the discovery of ourselves and God. I think having the experience of such a Guru in our lives and truly experiencing that spiritual journey is a longer deeper subject that I will not attempt to delve into. In the most simplistic form, my Gurus have been my parents and my teachers in school (from Ammasandra to NJ). Ofcourse, one could argue that we all learn many things from many other people during our normal interactions and that is absolutely true but, again it’s the parents and some of my teachers that I truly think of as "Gurus" since their teachings have been a constant guiding factor for me.

"Matru Devo Bhava, Pitru Devo Bhava, Acharya Devo Bhava, Atithi Devo Bhava"

Meaning: Revere your mother, father, preceptor and guest as God

This sloka from the Upanishads is simple yet so profound. Mom and Dad have been a major influence in my life and have been my first Gurus who have taught me things that I would not have learnt from schools or books.. they have taught me mostly by just leading their life day in and day out showing us the values and ethics they believe in. My teachers have added another dimension altogether by helping me realize my potential and pushing me to get better and better. I remember being that kid in school who would regularly take a special flower or a fruit for the teacher trying to gain his/her attention. I am sure I am not the first one to feel this way about teachers and lot of people (kids and adults alike) do feel the urge to somehow ‘please’ their teachers and sometimes this is what pushes them to put in additional effort into their homework or the project. It is but natural since they are the first set of people after our own parents who genuinely care about our well-being and feel proud by our accomplishments and success. Their sense of accomplishment is somehow tied to how well their students do in life much like the way parents feel about their children. Sometimes I think they are in some ways better judges of our strengths and weaknesses and can guide us better since they are not as ‘attached’ to their students as parents are to their children. My earlier post about the movie ‘Taare Zameen Par’ describes how sometimes the teacher sees something that the parents may not. I remember the time when my teacher in the 9th grade told me what was missing from my speech for the annual debate competition about ‘Gandhi vs. Godse’. At first, I felt disappointed to hear this since everyone at home thought it was just ‘great’ but, then she pushed me to add that missing punch to the speech and that was what helped me and my team win the trophy.
Teaching is such a noble profession. All the teachers out there…please be proud of what you do since its your efforts that are behind all the success stories, noble prizes, careers and lives in general. I am thankful to all my teachers and others who teach me something or the other and help me realize my strengths and shortcomings and made me what I am today and help shape what I will be tomorrow. I hope someday I will be able to make you all proud.

Being a Fly on the Wall...can we afford it?

2009-03-02T09:40:00.014-05:00

I was watching some Indian TV channels yesterday and was surprised to see so many ad campaigns by the political parties and realized.. elections were round the corner. It made me think how unaware and un-interested we are.. especially this generation (the 20s, 30s and 40s). I know my grandparents were somewhat involved, they had seen the Freedom Fight and participated or contributed to it one way or the other, our parents were busy building their lives in the Free India and saw the formative years of India as a free nation and then just learned their way to live and let live in India as it grew from being just a dot on the world map to a 3rd world country to one of the leading economies of the world (twelfth largest economy at market exchange rates and fourth largest in purchasing power according to Wikipedia) Our generation had the advantage of being exposed to good education, lot of us were fortunate enough to come to the west and be exposed to even wider range of cultures and be able to build our careers in the first and second world countries. Having seen this and exposed to the 'world', I think we are in general more aware and have the potential to do lot more but, when it comes to putting it to some good use in our own home country, we are so far away. We can talk in our parties and pubs for hours together about how India is so backward and how much we like the western way of life and how corruption is rampant in India, why there is no value for merit and what we crave about the western way of life, etc. Yet, when it comes to atleast paying attention and being aware of whats happening and doing our bit, we are mostly just flies on the wall of whichever community we reside in. I think as a generation we have lot more potential to make a difference and 'Be the change we want to see in the society'.
To start with, lets all become more aware and put in more effort to
1) Register to vote ,
2) Find out more about the candidates in your constituency and lastly
3) Take the time to vote on the day and more importantly you can even cast your protest vote if you don't like any of the candidates.
I know the election process is plagued with a lot of cheap tactics to attract the masses and a valuable vote that decides the future (atleast for 4-5 yrs) can be bought for as little as Rs. 100 and one bottle of cheap liquor. If we can come together to spread awareness about why this is not how we build our country's future, that will also go a long way. I know we cannot change the entire system in one election but, there is a lot can be done in one election and by not doing anything you are not helping the situation at all... so, at least do your bit and pass on the word.. a change can be made one step at a time.

How much can I influence

2009-02-26T16:26:00.010-05:00

The other day Avi asked me some questions about some scenes in Star Wars and it got me thinking about all the different influencers he has in his life right now. I am starting to realize that these years now (ages 6 to 20 or so) are probably the most formative ones for him in terms of building his character. I also realized that this is also the time when his time spent with us (chandu and me) is going down and down. If you think about it in a purely mathematical fashion, here is how the 24 hrs in a day break down to:

1. Wake up and get ready to school – 1 hr (7 to 8)
2. School time – 8 hrs (8 – 4)
3. Homework, relax, activities, family time – 5 hrs (4 to 9)
4. Sleep – 10 hrs (9 to 7)

Now, if you add some activities, school projects into number 3, those 5 hrs are cutdown even further. Just for fun, I googled 'Parental Influence on kids' and found the above graph which is somewhat true I think but, not all that motivating for parents like us. There are research studies being done and have some conflicting reports… saying parental influence is very strong vs. not much. I wonder what the ideal graph would look like where we have all the right percentage of influences from the right sources.
Anyway, I like to believe that it can be as strong as we can make it to be. Many a time when I am faced with a tough situation, I think about how Mommy or Daddy would react to it and somehow carve my reaction from it. I don’t think they built this influence by spending hours and hours with us during our growing up years and I think its more from their actions that they gained our trust and respect… its “Teaching By Example”

Pray.. why do I do it

2009-02-26T14:48:00.014-05:00

I have heard the term ‘God fearing’ a lot and wonder if ‘God’ is someone we should fear. I think it may be related to the fact that most ‘God fearing’ people think God is the supreme lawmaker and actions that are wrong in ‘His’ eyes are bad and He has a way to punish us for those wrong actions. I am not entirely sure about ‘Him’ punishing us but, I think having this belief is good to instill some integrity and moral values. I think it’s the ‘unknowns’ that I fear mostly and since I don’t know what God has in store for me (I know there can be lot of debates here about how our destiny is in our hands and not in God's hands but, I believe in some supreme power or fate that has a hand), it turns out sometimes I fear him too. All that said, when I read this below passage (from the Bible) on a friend’s blog it reminded me of why I pray.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.

Like most other people, I sometimes tend to remember God lot more and reach out to him lot more when I am going through some tough times and need His helping hand… there are also times when I doubted him and wondered if I should even bother praying. I think as I have grown in age and seen quite a bit of ups and downs in life, the latter part is not happening much or rather not happening at all. This is because I believe prayer gives me hope and strength to remain positive even in the most trying times.
I think what I seek in my prayers is peace and confidence and like to go to bed assured that there is God whose agenda is definitely to take care of me and give me the power and strength to live this life that he has given me.
It doesn’t matter what religion one practices and who one refers to as ‘God’, just that strength and confidence one gets from this belief is enough to live this life.

When your team is not with you

2009-02-12T09:49:00.004-05:00

To start off, this post is going to be stating the obvious all the way....Everyone knows that when your team is not really with you, it can cause some havoc and in some extreme cases...lead to major coup that topple governments, etc.
Anyway, here is a personal experience..during one of our Thursday night Badminton games, Chandu and I got separated and ended up playing against each other. My initial thought was that it would be easy since I know his strengths and thought I could read his moves and take his shots. Well, in reality the opposite happened...somehow I was completely thrown off balance and I couldn't really handle him as an opponent. We have been playing as Doubles partners for many years now and think we have a fairly good chemistry on the court. But, somehow playing against him was a whole different shuttle game. I started thinking about it a bit and realized that it is in fact true that when your team is against you, they can become a strong opponent more because you are not prepared to play 'against' them. This is very true in any team dynamic...the folks on the team who are not working with/for the team can be hard to manage and can bring the whole team down. So, as a leader, building high performing teams means pick the best players with strengths that complement each other and also keep monitoring and weed off the players that are playing against the team. Its not always true that the people against the team are bad or malicious... its just that they belong to another team.

Being on the front page of a newspaper...does that make me famous?

2009-01-26T17:32:00.008-05:00

Ok.. Ladies and Gentlemen....I was featured on the front page of a newspaper and yes it is a real newspaper with a substantial circulation and yes I was on Page One of that newspaper on January 16th, 2009.
What did I do you may wonder to get here: Well, I was in the right place at the right time. Did you hear this before? I sure bet you did :)
Click here to see what I mean.
Our local newspaper - West Windsor Marketplace featured an article on Yoga and the Integral Yoga Institute at Princeton was mentioned in it. I am taking classes there and one saturday they took some pictures while we were in class. One of the pictures that they chose to publish has me in it.
I remember Avinash asking me few months ago about 'being famous' and if jumping from a tall tree that nobody jumped from before can make him famous. I had to explain to this then 6 year old the difference between being famous vs. being dumb and being cool vs. being smart and few others and that conversation was a long one but, I think/hope he will not try such stunts just to be 'famous'.
Now, if I tell him that his Mommy was featured in the front page of a newspaper and that's usually reserved for pretty famous people, will that be viewed as 'twisting the truth'... maybe a little bit?

Project in a Petri Dish...leave the bacteria alone

2009-01-26T17:06:00.013-05:00

I just heard this Project/People Management tip using the Petri Dish analogy (yes... this is pretty intriguing...read on). So, imagine a project to be a Petri dish and the different bacteria you want to grow in it to be different people/teams within the project. Apparently, biologically it is proven that the same bacteria can grow/behave differently in different petri dishes. Now, it looks like the same rule applies to people as well... the same person/team can end up behaving differently on different projects...since the circumstances, surroundings are all different. Now, a Project Manager like me who is unaware of this fact, can get frustrated that the bacteria in this petri dish is acting differently from how it did in the last petri dish and hence straying away from the 'project plan'. But, remember.. even the most seasoned biologist cannot control the bacteria in the petri dish.
This is in line with my belief that Project Management Methodology is not an exact science and has to be trimmed and customized based on the context of each project. To add to it, the experiences from the past can guide you in picking the right processes and recognizing the patterns and themes that are emerging but, the actual handling of the situations/issues before they become showstoppers is as much art as it is science. But, even with that there is only so much one can do in creating the right environment and then its the bacteria that decides how it wants to grow..
I feel so much better now... a seasoned biologist cannot do it... so who am I to control this bacteria that have a life of their own...

Blast from the past... connecting the dots

2008-12-31T10:35:00.019-05:00

So, as I was doing some social networking on the web this past week, I accidentally landed on this site called 'Batchmates.com'. It is pretty neat and is a community based website with a slightly different twist than facebook or linkedin. One thing I liked about it was that it had my childhood schools listed with people registered in those networks. I have been trying to get back in touch with my childhood school friends who I seemed to have lost touch in the recent past without even realizing when and how. Anyway, my heart started racing and I registered myself and got into 'St. Francis Girls High School' network and within a few minutes got connected with one of my classmates from back then !!! This was so exciting and we immediately got on chatting, exchanging contact info, trying to summarize the last 20yrs of our lives on IM and it felt like I was being transported in the fastest space shuttle to my past and all the memories kept coming and coming and I didn't know where to stop. After this initial gush, I slowed down and started to savor the memories and in an attempt to connect the dots, recollected the most impactful memories/experiences I have of those times. Here are some in no particular order:
Being myself: I joined this school in my fourth grade. We moved from Ammasandra and it was a big move for all of us especially because Ammasandra was a small place where our family was generally well known and had a celebrity status of some sort. Anita and I were pretty popular in school and life as a 9 year old was just perfect. Here we are in Hyderabad... a large city, nobody really recognizes us and I had no friends and suddenly in this big school, large class with no friends of my own. I remember the initial few weeks being such a struggle to make myself go to school. I noticed that in this school, there was a class leader and each group (Pink, Yellow, Blue and Green) had a Group leader and the most coveted 'First in Class' position. All of these people had little badges on their uniform to display their status. My first instinct was that I need to get those as soon as possible to establish myself and prove that I am 'smart'. Getting the the 'First in class' was not that difficult. As I wrote, Mom just instilled this behavior of putting in my best effort all through my childhood and that helped a lot. But, this was not enough to become 'popular' and make friends. Coincidentally, this was also the time when Mommy just came back from her first trip to the US and brought some cool stuff like Mickey mouse shaped sharpeners and erasers, pencils with erasers in the end (never seen in India by then), magnetic pencil boxes, etc. I tried to attract people by flashing these goodies. Again, that only went so far.. people were attracted to come see and use them but, they were not enough to make friends. As few months passed by and I started just being myself and blending in with the group, playing their games, eating their snacks, sharing their stories and fears..somewhere during those times they just started feeling comfortable making me their friend and it was just so easy after that and I started looking forward to going to school each day. I learnt that the best way to build long lasting relationships is by just being myself and let people who like the 'real' me come to me
Never underestimate your opponent: I moved from grade to grade pretty smoothly and I was now in the 9th grade and it was time for school elections to choose the Student leaders(sort of like student cabinet and president positions). I thought I was most definitely going to be the 'SPL' (School Pupil Leader a.k.a President) and took the whole selection process somewhat for granted. It was only as we were getting closer to the results, I realized that 'S' infact had much better chances and eventually she went on to become the SPL and I became the captain of the Yellow House (St. Cecilia's group). This was my first 'defeat' so to speak and it shattered my world. After the initial disappointment, I remember spending a lot of time evaluating and assessing the situation and realized she was a better choice and from then on I learnt never to take my opponents for granted and to be more realistic about my own strengths and weaknesses. Now, looking back I am proud that even after this personal disappointment, I ended up being an excellent captain and a great support for S and a true team player to make our tenure a productive and memorable one.
A leader doesn't have to be best in everything: As I was growing up from grade to grade, I always wanted to be an 'All rounder' and not only try my hand in different activities (Sports, Dramatics, Quizes, Debates, etc) but, also wanted to be the best in everything. I used to work towards winning the 'first prize' in any competition I participated in. It was only after a few instances and lot of talking with Mommy that I came to terms with the fact that it was ok not to be best in everything. For one, I cannot act to save my life and came to accept this fact after a few embarrassing trials. As the captain of the Yellow house, I had to pick the teams to participate in various competitions and after some trials back and forth with my vice-captain, I realized as a leader my strength lies in my team. I need to be able to assemble a team that is the 'best as a team' and no single person needs to and can be the best in every thing that the team needs to accomplish. So, we spent the time in picking the best actor from our group, the best sports girls, best quiz whizkid, etc and this helped us win the 'Best All Round Performance' trophy for our group end of the year.
Oh my oh my.... I am what I am but, its all these moments in life that make me what I am today..

What next?

2008-12-22T10:40:00.010-05:00

Ever since, I started spreading the word and doing my bit to make Dec 18th - Non-Corruption Day a success, I was pondering over how to define success for a grassroots campaign such as this one. It became very obvious that we cannot measure and show quantifiable results for something like this unless we measure a number of different data points and social perceptions over a period of time. That said, its also obvious that saying "No" to Corruption for one day is not enough.. its like a drop in the ocean... albeit a very important first drop. We need many such drops to make the ocean full.
As I was reaching out to my contacts in the media and politics to help with spreading the word about corruption, I was told that U.N had declared Dec 9th as International Anti-Corruption Day. I did some googling again and realized that a lot of the political parties in India held meetings on this day to show that they supported this day. But, what was surprising is that none of them seem to have done anything to spread the awareness among the public and the common man was pretty oblivious about this and went about their day just like any other day. It made me realize the importance of social awareness and grass roots movements like ours to help tackle this deep rooted issue. We cannot expect the President, Prime Minister or a political party to do much without the support of the people. The United Nations has this convention against corruption tackling corruption at a policy level and providing some support to the countries at a macro level but, we need to work at a micro level too to be able to see some positive change in our lifetime.
So, for all those who participated on Dec 18th, feel very proud for taking this first very important step and leading by example. Please don't stop here and lets continue this day after day. Lets join hands in being the change we want to see in this world !!

Wake up call.. Enuf is Enuf

2008-12-01T08:57:00.024-05:00

I heard in some advertisement -- "India, the land for all seasons. India, the land for all reasons." This sums it all - the land for all reasons. A country rich in cultural and spiritual wealth is once again shaken up inside out by just a handful of sickos. I know we Indians are probably more resilient than anyone else but, that strength to bounce back and resume our lives again seems to be acting against us since we have gotten used to just get up and get back into our day to day lives/struggles until we are punched again in the face.
I can very well imagine Lataji's famous 'Ae mere watan ki logon' being played in every nook and corner and people coming together to light candles and pray for those who lost their lives during the Mumbai terrorist attacks. All this is well and good and probably therapeutic in some way, but let's not stop here and let's think beyond the immediate acts of consolation and support and think about what we can do to prevent this from happening again. If what the media is conveying is true, this time it seems like there is a lot of anger and frustration from the general indian public directed towards the failed political system. Well, again this is fine but, why can't we just stop and think for a while as to what led us to be in the state we are in right now.. how much of this is self-made by each of us and what can we do to change that and help steer India in the right direction. Remember what Gandhi said:
Be the change you want to see in the world
I think one of the most contributing factors is the deep rooted corruption in India that pretty much runs through every walk of life. I was reading what one of the terrorist caught had to say and it strikes me that these guys had such an easy time getting to wherever they needed to. When I read this, I could almost feel the mockery in his voice showing us how easy it is to get by our security and rules.. there was a lapse in the security and procedures after they got into the country by killing few coast guards. Its a huge systemic issue that has been cascading for years and years and often one doesn't even realize where the 'System' ends and where the 'Parallel System' begins. I googled about it and was sad to find this which shows India being in the bottom half of the world in terms of political transparency. This is a problem that is not easy to tackle but, its entirely in our hands to combat. It needs a social grass roots level involvement and commitment to take things in our own hands. Just think about this, if each of us can cut down and eventually stop being part of this 'parallel system', we can eventually eradicate this disease from our society. We just need the resolve and determination to be the masters of our own destiny.
So, how about this as a first step: Lets pick a day, and just for that day - Say no to corruption and lets not be involved in any act of corruption starting from the bribes we indulge in just to get a better berth in train, bribing the traffic police who stops to check the license, etc. I want to pick the day to be December 18th, 2008 to do this.
Why December 18th?: Its Mom's Birthday and so in her honor I want to be part of a positive change and also its enough time to spread the word using all our online and offline networks and build up the scale so we can actually make an impact albeit for just one day. Its atleast one step in the right direction before we make leaps ahead.
So, here it is December 18th, 2008 - National Non-Corruption Day.. Lets do it

Counting blessings

2008-11-26T09:21:00.011-05:00

As we are just a day away from the big 'Thanksgiving' day, I remember how last year we all said something we were thankful for during the Turkey dinner at Anna's place. This year, when I was thinking of it my initial reaction was 'oh God, we had such a rough year, Mommy is not with us anymore and I am still not over that grief' but, then I immediately tried to pull myself together and remembered what Mom used to always say 'Its very easy and natural to forget all the good things in our life when there is one not so good thing. Instead, during those low moments, try to count your blessings and stay positive and don't lose faith in God and yourself'. So, going by that I resolved to actually list down things I am thankful for and here goes my list in no particular order:

1. Kids are healthy, happy and well-behaved
2. Chandu and I are still happy together and healthy
3. I have a great relationship with my sister, Anita
4. I still have Daddy who is a pillar of strength for me
5. I was able to spend the last 3 weeks of Mommy's life with her
6. My friends who care for me
7. Friday nights are still something we look forward to
8. Morning cup of coffee
9. All the good books and good movies out there
10. Chandu and I still have our jobs and don't have to worry about roof on our head or food on the table and can even splurge sometimes on some goodies
11. Our nanny, Iris
12. Have an extended family that I can lean on who come together beautifully whenever we need them
13. Been able to take Yoga classes finally
14. Obama won
15. Chiranjeevi in public service (like to believe this instead of saying politics :))
16. Friendly neighbors
17. Badminton classes that we signed up for
..... I know this is not the full list for sure and will keep adding to this and will make it a 'living' list..

The power of positive feedback

2008-11-23T08:24:00.007-05:00

I have always been a firm believer of motivators that impact us at work, at home, wherever.... Positive feedback or that Pat on the back is one of those and I am intrigued by what a quick 'Great job' comment can do to your adrenaline rush and cause you to push forward and do even better. I wrote about this earlier too but, wanted to add more since a recent phone conversation I had at work last week triggered these thoughts again. I was having this phone conversation with K in preparation for a big meeting next day and while we were ending it, K just said 'hey.. I think you are doing a great job on this project' and proceeded to even qualify it with why he thought so. I just replied with a thank you and I appreciate it. It took him about 5 seconds to say this but, had a profound impact on me. This was great in many ways since it was a new engagement with all new people that I never worked with before. My style is always to not demand respect by position but, more to earn the team's trust and respect by showing them my worth and adding value in whatever way I can without being caught up by roles and responsibilities. So, this 5 second pat on the back did show me that .. yes I am being appreciated and also made me feel good because it was not a generic 'great job' but, with a qualifier that showed that K was paying attention to my work and contribution. So.. a big thanks to K for doing that.
I think this thing about recognition and positive feedback is something that many organizations talk about in their HR policies book but, only few of them truly put it to practice.. I think it does take a little bit of effort from whoever is in the leadership position for each group to instill this and he/she can mostly do it by leading by example. A lot of people think of giving those pats on the backs as being childish and immature but, thats not at all true and as human beings, we thrive on recognition quite a bit. I know its hard to get into this habit at work if the culture is non existent but, remember Gandhi's quote

Be the change you want to see in the world

I think this habit of giving recognition when and where deserved should not be isolated to just work life but, in our personal lives too. Mommy was so good at doing this and the best thing that I observed in her is that she never hesitated to appreciate even a stranger she ran into in the store or wherever and she did this for what seemed like a very small thing.. like she would go forward and tell the lady at the checkout counter that their smile was really good and brightens the room. Imagine how this person would have felt hearing this from some stranger and especially if that person was having a rough day, this small gesture would make her feel better and costs you nothing but, an eye and a heart to recognize something positive in every interaction you have. Again, I think there is a difference in saying a generic 'good job' vs. 'hey, I noticed you did this... this and this and think you did a great job'. Its important that you try to qualify the recognition. Check this out for some simple tips on giving positive feedback.
I am sure many new parents go through this endless quest for reassurance that they are doing a good job as parents and these pats on the back from either your spouse or mom or dad or a friend about your parenting skills can do a lot to boost your confidence.
In our busy, highly scheduled lives, we always tend to be in a rush to get somewhere else or want something else without appreciating what we already have.. but, giving timely positive recognition is one more thing that Mommy taught me more through her actions and I hope to remember it and follow it through every day....

This is life

2008-11-18T10:18:00.005-05:00

I read this somewhere on the web and thought it was a very nice explanation of all that Life brings to us and what it is all about

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed:
“Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease”?

To this Arthur Ashe replied:

“The world over — 50 million children start playing tennis,
5 million learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis,
50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals,
When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD ‘Why me?’.
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD ‘Why me?’
Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrow keeps you Human,
Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith & Attitude keeps you going…

Friday with a Mad Genius

2008-10-27T11:24:00.007-04:00

I watched the 2001 Russell Crowe movie 'A Beautiful Mind' this past Friday. It's the real life story of Nobel Prize winner, Dr. John Nash. I really liked it and felt really touched to see how he struggled for a large part of his life to just 'fit in'. It's particularly interesting how he says he wants to 'dazzle' them into accepting him. Also, another thing that really made me ponder was how he felt he was nothing without his work. I also feel that way sometimes where my career and work-life pretty much define my identity and feel kind of lost if you take that away from me.
Lastly, the once termed 'Crazy' Dr. Nash is accepted all over and instead called 'Genius' or the 'Mad Genius' as his new theories start being recognized and ultimately get him nominated for the Nobel Prize. After all, "With Achievement, comes Acceptance"

By the way, the title of this post is inspired by Avinash's book called 'Monday with a Mad Genius' :-)

"Soft" Process Factors

2008-10-01T10:38:00.002-04:00

Part of my job is to come up with efficient project execution processes that are catered to our specific business and context. I came across this interesting IEEE article by Steve McConnell that talks about the 'Soft' factors that are equally if not more important in improving efficiencies. I completely agree with his views and hope to be able to influence and roll out such 'soft' processes in my group one day.

Being Mommy

2008-09-15T13:20:00.005-04:00

It seems like yesterday that I wrote about Abhiram turning one and he turned two yesterday. It sure has been a looooong year with our lives pretty much turning upside down in the last few months. Yesterday was rather a very emotional day for me as I was remembering how we celebrated Abhiram's first birthday with Mommy. I recollect fondly how she made every single birthday of mine for as far back as I can remember truly special from wherever she was by praying for us, sending special gifts, special birthday ourfits and lots of love.
On the other hand, everytime I saw the sparkle in Abhi's eyes or Avi's eyes when we got the cake out or when they saw the wrapped gifts, I suddenly pulled myself together and remembered that now I need to be 'Mommy' to them the same way Mommy was to me. Its their innocent loving, curious looks that just melt me and make me realize that yes its my turn now to help make their childhood as memorable as mine was....

Look at me mommy

2008-08-16T13:46:00.017-04:00

I know 'Mother' holds a very special place in everyone's life. I always knew that my mommy was more than just a mother to me... she was much more than that. She played a key role in making me what I am today. Among many many things she taught me as I was growing up to be my own person, there are a few that standout... First, she taught me to be positive and always think of something positive to look forward to. Now, I think I am a very goal oriented person... I always need something to work towards and something to look forward to. I think it was definitely mommy who developed this in me. She inculcated this in us by doing simple things which is the beauty of it all. When I was just learning to read, she would pile all these Amar Chitra Kathas in front us and remind us how we will never be bored on our long train journeys from Bangalore to Vijayawada... this helped us get into reading and develop this healthy habit, if I was working hard for some exams, she would remind me of the wonderful holidays following, when I was working out hard in the gym, she would remind me how great and energetic I would feel later. At times, when I find myself in a rut or in some mundane mind numbing kind of work, I used to just call mommy so she would remind me of something wonderful, something fun to look forward to and make me feel better. Mommy.. where do I call you now?
Mommy was and still is my only genuine spokesperson... she would genuinely feel so proud of every single achievement of mine big or small and not hesitate to tell the whole world about it. The genuine joy and pride that I saw in her eyes was worth working for. I didn't realize this for a long time and hence never told this to mommy but, I used to drive myself to do my best in school be it academics or the various quizzes, debates, etc just to not let Mommy down and to be able to see that joy and pride in her eyes each time. In return she would make me feel so special and great that I would want to do it again and again and by doing that she has helped make it a habit in me to do my best in whatever I am doing. Mommy... where do I turn to see that look in your eyes?
These are just a couple of things I chose to write about here but, Mommy has truly taught us a lot just by living her life the way she did.
I just heard this song tonight and it pretty much reflects my thoughts lately

Jnaapakaale Maimarapu Jnaapakaale Melukolupu
Jnaapakaale Nittuurpu Jnaapakaale Odaarpu

Ammaa Ani Piliche Toli Palukulu Gnaapakame
Raa Ammaa Ani Amme Laalinchina Gnaapakame
Amma Kallalo Apudapudu Chemarintalu Gnaapakame
Amma Cheerane Chutte Paata Gnaapakame
Amma Navve Jekotte Siggu Gnaapakame

Full song is here

Too much to say

2008-06-15T08:41:00.003-04:00

I have not had a chance to write on this blog for a long time now.. it doesn't mean there is not much going on. In fact, its the opposite that there is way too much going on especially at work and whatever little energy is left end of the day, I am trying to squeeze it out to spend with kids. At the end of all this, I have not had a chance to just sit down and think straight and contemplate which is when I usually blog. Sometimes I wonder if I am 'living to work' or 'working to live' :-)
Anyway, there have been many highlights in the last few months. Anita and Samhita's surprise visit from India is top of the list.. it was the best kept surprise and one of the most pleasant ones too. What really made me happy was when Avi's KG teacher told me during our Parent-Teacher meeting that Avi has been a much more chirpy kid and she felt Anita and Sammu have had a very positive influence on him..I used to always wonder how the kids would bond given that we are so far away and this put my mind at ease.
The next highlight was Avi's first Piano Recital. Its just quite amazing how a small public performance and appreciation has motivated him... now I no longer have to remind him to practice the lessons or just play a song to relax.. lets see how long it continues for... maybe it will be a sign that we get ready for another public performance when the shades from the last one start fading away :-)
Finally, in the last month our very good friends Poosalas (Vishy and Dharani) have decided to move back to India for atleast 2 years. This is a very good move for Vishy - career wise and we wish it will be a good move otherwise too. We will definitely miss them a lot but, it will hopefully push us to make our decision instead of wavering for too long.

Year of million dreams...

2008-04-17T08:54:00.004-04:00

Mickey has been my favorite character all through my childhood...must be something to do with my pet name :-) I have been to the Disney parks both in Florida and LA earlier but, this time when we were there during Avi's Spring Break, I noticed the magnificence of 'Disney' and its place in the American way of life. This man 'Walt Disney' is supposedly known to be the most influential and innovative person in the entertainment industry during the 20th century. I think he is more than that and a true visionary and a leader in all aspects that his dream is being carried forward day in and day out by his successors. I was particularly awed when I noticed how the Walt Disney movies, theme parks, all their products have become ingrained in the lives and dreams of millions and millions of people. We ran into so many families who were saying a trip to Disney was an annual ritual for them almost as important as the annual Thanksgiving feast or the Christmas traditions. A child's first trip to Disney is considered almost as important a milestone as the first step he takes.

There is truly something about this company where I could instantly feel some commonality when I was interacting with any Disney employee in the parks. They were all polite, helpful, trying to create a fun atmosphere for kids, families and doing all this with a smile. It just shows that the company is serious about their core values and culture and has somehow succeeded in instilling that across the thousands of people that represent The Walt Disney Company.
Wow !!! Did Mr. Walt Disney ever imagine in his wildest dreams that his ideas would transform into something so big, so magnificent and so magical.

Jodha Akbar... peek into the mughal era

2008-02-21T11:48:00.004-05:00

We watched the latest 'Jodha Akbar' movie on President's Day. It was a very well made movie and we got to feel and see Ashutosh Gowariker's immense talent in almost every scene. I think the story line, plot has a very contemporary relevance while the period/historic settings just added to the grandeur and beauty of each and every scene. I was particularly impressed because it was only recently that we visited these forts in Fatehpur Sikri, Agra, etc and do remember how run down they were and it must have taken lot of hardwork, coordination and planning to make them look as beautiful as one could imagine.
The part that I really liked and got me thinking was how Jodha slowly makes the best of the situation she is thrown into by way of using her marriage more for political reasons than anything else. The way she puts her conditions forward before accepting the proposal and does it directly to Akbar showed a lot of maturity and strength in her beliefs. I wonder how one gets this.. are some people just born with such clear thinking and can somehow easily figure out whats right for them and standby those beliefs at any cost?... can we teach or learn such behaviors or build such strong characters?
Also, the way Jodha fits into the Mughal family and slowly gains the love and respect of her husband and her in-laws family/empire was shown very well.
I also liked how Akbar (Jalaluddin) does mention couple of times that all along in his life somebody else made decisions on his behalf and that he now wants to start making his own decisions. Again, this shows a lot of strength in character and conviction. Its very easy as we move up to leadership roles in our professional or personal lives to just start imitating our predecessors or just do what we think our higher ups will like us to do...instead to break away from that and make an effort to stand up for what you believe shows a lot of strength of character and integrity.
These are some of the aspects of the story that I think made the storyline very relevant even to current times and hence made the whole movie very captivating....
I think I will have more fun reading about the Mughal era now than I did many years ago in school since I have Ashutosh Gowariker's 'Jodha Akbar' to help my imagination :-)

"K" in the Knight

2008-02-12T12:25:00.000-05:00

I think this is one example of how our children can help us learn and grow along with them. Well, Avinash has just started reading the 'Magic Tree House' series of books and one of them is 'The Knight at Dawn'. Here is an excerpt from our conversation:
Avi: Mommy, you know the 'night' as in opposite of 'day' and the Knight with the silent K in the beginning?
Me: Yes, what about them?
Avi: What is the difference between the two?
Me: Night is the time of the day when the sun is on the other side, its dark and time for us to wind down and sleep. Knight is like a very good soldier who protects you and takes care of you
Avi: Why did they have to use the same word and just put 'K' in front of the soldier one
Me: hmmmmm (thnking hard so I don't look stupid) So when we read, we know the difference and we know which night/knight they mean
Avi: But, they could have made another word for one of them?
Me and Chandu: (giving up on answering logically and correctly). Lets look it up to find out

Anyway, the above conversation made me curious to learn more about the word. I found the origin of the word 'Knight' here and here and also found that Avi was not the first person to question this.
Also, another interesting concept I learnt about Etymlogical Fallacy and that the word 'Knight' is an example for something called 'Amelioration' (The meaning of a word may show improvement, as when knight (originally: "servant", like German Knecht) came to mean "military knight" and subsequently "someone of high rank")

As I drift into the past... treasured memories

2008-01-24T09:59:00.001-05:00

This is the end of one of the happiest days of your lives but, also the beginning of the most worthy days of your lives...quote from the Happy Days Movie

We just watched the much talked about 'Happy Days' movie last night. It made me drift away into the past and made me reminisce all the fond memories of my 4 years in RECW. As far as the movie is concerned, I was a bit disappointed because I expected a lot more given all the hype. I was disappointed that it showed all the college days experiences being surrounded around the romances (girl meeting boy, falling in love, etc). I couldn't connect with it fully because for me my college memories were lot more varied than just that. The romance and the sweet nothings did add a lot to it but, there was lot more to those 4 formative years than just that. This was the first time that I and many others like me were out of home and living on our own, first time that I was expected to make my own day to day decisions, first time that I was not within the protective shields of mom and dad and had to experience different personalities and build my own personality. This was the first time I learnt how to deal with such different personalities amicably. It was filled with lot of learning/growing pains initially, character building experiences, budding friendships, innocent crushes turning into sweet romances and in my case leading to a lifelong bond. I still remember vividly how along the years, we each formed our little friends group that was family away from home, the group that we shared our dreams, secrets and fears, the group that was together through happy times and sad times, the group that cheered for each other no matter what. As I look back, it is very interesting to see how all of us were so different in nature but, together formed this great bond. Its also very interesting where each of us is now in our lives and how our lives have taken a different shape but, one thing we all have in common is our fond memories of our 'Happy Days' a.k.a our 4 years of college days.

If only, I can relive those 'Happy Days' again at least for sometime...

Taare Zameen Par

2008-01-08T16:01:00.001-05:00

Taare Zameen Par: Wow... what a movie, what a message. Aamir Khan has in my mind become synonymous to 'Sensible story telling' You can excuse him for the Mangal Pandeys... since he has given us Lagaan, Rang De... and now Taare Zameen Par. This movie is about a Dyslexic kid and his experiences with his parents, school and a wonderful teacher that comes into his life. It got me thinking and I was wondering that while most of us go through so many years of education and rigorous training to excel in our day jobs, we often don't give a second thought about rest of the roles we play... nobody really teaches us to be good friends, good partners or good parents..we are just left to chug along ourselves, either just be lucky and figure it all out on our own.. or learn from our mistakes (hopefully not too big). Looking back, now that I am wife and a mother, I wish I could take a course in Human Relationships and Parenting. BTW, my favorite part of the movie was the last scene when Aamir Khan lifts the kid up in air.. it shows so beautifully the role us parents and teachers can play in every child's life which is to provide the right support to help them reach for the stars.

Trip back home

2008-01-08T14:31:00.000-05:00

We are back from our 3 week trip back home. It was just as expected good, short and hectic. The initial couple days were a blur as we were trying to engage with all the family around us while head was spinning due to the time differences. But, as we got into the flow, things didn't seem as chaotic and we just got used to the constant buzz around which is quite characteristic of every Indian household. Every person ends up building their own ecosystem with a network of contacts which keeps their lives going smoothly. Self-sufficiency is attained only when an efficient network is built starting from the milkman, newspaper boy, grocery store person who will deliver at any time of the day because of the additional tip he expects, medical shop person who will deliver in minutes.. the clerk in the movie theater who will keep aside tickets for any show.. so on and on. So... in the end the Indian system ends up being 'for each their own..' The rules of the game are different for different people. With modernization and improved infrastructure, all such things are being streamlined with lot more uniformity but, the society and people rely much more on their personal contacts and networks than the underlying infrastructure itself.
This is such a contrast to our lives here in the west where each person right from their childhood is taught and trained to be very independent, to run with the system. There is generally nobody who will tell you how to get the gas connection at home.. one has to just figure it out... there is nobody you can call to get school admission if you missed the deadline.
I am not trying to put one down over the other but, it was interesting to observe the differences and how people just adapt within each system and just run with it.

Hyderabad...here I come

2007-12-03T16:20:00.000-05:00

Its been a long time since I posted... I was busy planning for our India vacation. I have to say that a trip back to India is truly one of its kind.. we call it a vacation or at least thats the term used at work to explain why we are going to be out of office for 3 weeks but, all conventional meaning of the word 'vacation'(leisure time away from work devoted to rest or pleasure) doesn't apply here. Its filled with so much planning, anticipation, anxiety trying to recollect and relive all the memories you had in this place that you called 'home' for 20+ years, trying to spend time and make up for all the times that you were not around your near and dear ones.
Each time we go, we forget what it feels like to be on a flight for 18hrs and to land on the other side of earth with our body clock being 10.5 hrs behind the local clock and just plan to be in full form from day 1 doing all the things we planned to do for months and months....its quite exciting stuffing ourselves with all the good food u missed for years while your head is spinning from sleeplessness :-)
Its usually this whole planning and anticipation of being there that is more exciting than the actual trip, I always like waiting for the trip more than the trip itself which seems way too short and hectic anyway :-)
Anyways, this post may not sound that way but I am just as excited as ever counting down for the D day, waiting to see family, trying to make note of all the things I have to do in the short 3 weeks...

Nice Quote

2007-11-14T14:55:00.000-05:00

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Thank you... really?

2007-11-14T10:06:00.001-05:00

I am a believer that giving positive feedback to people right when they did something good is a very motivating factor that will enable them to perform even better the next time. I also think that giving constructive feedback has most impact and gets best results if done in a timely fashion (not 3 months after the fact). The key to giving constructive feedback is that it should truly be objective and in the best interest of the receiver's well being and improvement.
Anyway, I have seen people at work saying or emailing 'Thank you' when a project or task is done. Whenever I receive such an email I wonder... 'But, its my job to get this done...so, why are you thanking me for it' Instead I would have felt much better to hear that I did a great job and that it was noticed that I went the extra mile to make it even better or extra smooth. Oh well... since most people don't think through that much on how a person executed on their job.. I will still gladly accept the 'Thank yous' :-)

Day dreaming with some soft music

2007-11-12T14:07:00.000-05:00

I am quite a movie buff and usually like the light hearted ones that are dreamy and romantic. I also enjoy realistic potrayals of human relationships etc., as you can read in my post about 'Gandhi My Father. But, every so often I want to go to the movies to forget the real life and dream and drift off to a different world for atleast the few hrs that I can. We have the daily grind of our life and don't need too many such movies to remind us of our own world and its wonderful ups and downs.

I also enjoy music and songs since they let you drift away to another world in a sweet melodious way. Lyrics from a recent hindi movie song that I think are very sweet and romantic

Aankhon Mein Teri
Ajab Si Ajab Si Adayein Hai

Dil Ko Banade Jo Patang Saa Se
Yeh Teri Woh Haawaien Hai

Bare Necessities

2007-10-31T15:28:00.001-04:00

Jungle Book is probably my first english movie I watched in a theater in Hyderabad (Sangeet Theater in Secunderabad to be precise). We recently added this DVD to our collection. I am enjoying it even more now as an adult than I did as a kid. The "Bare Necessities" song is so cute and if only we could live our lives in such a simple way, seeing the beauty and joy in every little thing.

...And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will come to you

Full lyrics are here

Birthdays, memories and values

2007-10-29T09:13:00.000-04:00

Happy 6th Birthday my first prince and many more happy returns of the same !!

Avi turns 6 today and he sure has created a festive atmosphere at home. This is really the first year that he has been looking forward to it and truly excited about his birthday. I was thinking about how to make his birthday a memorable one for him and did start off asking him what he wanted for his birthday and off goes the list. So, I stopped and started thinking about my own birthdays as a kid and what I remember about them. I remember how excited I was during the months leading up to my birthday..counting down everyday... I used to think long and hard on what new kind of chocolates I can pick each year...I used to count and count all the chocolates I had to distribute in school, eat quite a few along the way and count again to make sure there are still enough left for everyone. I remember how mommy and daddy used to take us shopping for our birthday clothes and goodies and also made it a point to either visit an orphan home or send a donation to one by mail. I also remember having some friends over in the evening and just playing until my hearts content and dropping tired but, refusing to fall asleep since I didn't want my birthday to be over. I remember how I was so happy to be 'special' and get away with anything on my birthday but, of course be reminded of them next day :-)
As I was recollecting my own birthday memories, I realized all my fond memories were about what I did on my birthday, who I shared it with and how 'special' I felt and very little about the actual gifts I received. I feel with all the commercialization of events and holidays, its so easy for kids and parents alike to get carried away and caught up with just the gifts giving part and forget the more important creating memories and learning values part.. I hope to not lose sight of what the kids are experiencing and adding to their memory bank in the whole party planning, gift shopping frenzy.

Do it anyway...

2007-10-18T09:44:00.000-04:00

As I am recollecting all my memories with Baba who passed away on Sunday (10/14), the one thing that struck me is that he was a man of great values and he stood by them come rain or shine. I am truly overwhelmed and awed by his life... although a bit late.. its better late than never I guess. I was reminded of this poem by Mother Teresa and feel its quite an apt way to describe how Baba led his life:

DO IT ANYWAY

Written By Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical,
and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone
could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway

Baba...I miss you...

2007-10-15T15:20:00.001-04:00

Dear Baba

I hope you are able to read this from heaven. I wish I could be with you when you wanted to see me and say a few words. I am so thankful to God for giving me a father figure like you, for all the memories I have about you and all the life lessons you have taught me through your life. You have showed me how to lead a simple life and how to be happy even with very simple things in life. I wish I could be all that to you that I always wanted to be.

I know you were a good man all through your life and have made many sacrifices for the people around you and am sure God will take better care of you now. I am sure you will be watching over from heaven and will know how much I miss you and miss hearing your voice be it on the phone or in person..

Love you and miss you so much Baba

This one is for you... kids

2007-10-10T10:26:00.000-04:00

I am glad I found this poem by Rudyard Kipling (Author/Creator of the wonderful 'Jungle Book' ) Its something I would like to share with the kids sometime when they will be able to comprehend it all.

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Web 2.0 and Being Social?

2007-10-03T16:35:00.000-04:00

I have been working and reading quite a bit about the latest web 2.0 trends and am realizing how much the whole social networking aspect has caught up on the web. There are so many sites and tools that basically let you create networks and stay 'connected' with your friends online and almost every commercial site is trying to introduce community type features that will let you bring your friends with you. There are couple of things that make me ponder a bit as I think more about this new trend:
- Given the number of users and the activity level on these sites or at least on the popular ones (like myspace, facebook, etc), I wonder how much time is being spent on these activities. Is it making us more efficient or less efficient in the long run as we try to stay connected on all these social networks that we are part of
- Does this really help us be more social or less? For example: say, I just came back from a really nice family vacation and have a ton of cool pictures and some interesting experiences. In the pre-web2.0 world, I would probably have my friends and family over to show them the pictures and talk and talk about the incidents. I would also mail out the pictures to people I think would like to have them. I used to be just as excited to share my vacation details as I was about going on the vacation itself. Now, I really don't have to go through this Show&Tell but, will probably just upload the pictures on flickr, write about my vacation on my blog and share all this to the friends in all my networks. So, is this making me more social or less social????
It seems like when email became more prevalent, out went the actual handwritten letters (which had their own charm), digital photos pushed out the paper photos and albums and now will all our 'virtual' networks and friends make us more anti-social in real life and more distant from our 'real' friends and family???...only time will tell

Tigger or Eeyore..

2007-09-28T13:26:00.000-04:00

In the last couple of weeks, there are a few things that made an impact on me. First thing was something Anna casually said one weekend when they were here to visit us. We were discussing their schedule and as mom was asking them to leave a little later on Sunday, he said 'Don't worry about tomorrow, enjoy today'. Its not like I didn't hear this before but, for some reason it was more impactful this time. For the last few days, I am trying to remember this whenever I catch myself being stressful or worrying about something in the future.

The other thing that moved me to say the least was this 'Last Lecture' by Dr. Randy Pausch
Wow... What a speech it was. I am not sure what kind of a person Dr. Pausch is but, this speech made me like him and respect him so much. He touched so many different topics that can be true gems of wisdom. I had to watch the video multiple times to digest it all since the first time I missed most of it because I was too overwhelmed.

Lastly, one of my friends pinged me after a long time (almost 5-6 yrs I think) to just tell me that some advice I gave him years ago helped him so much along the way and that he gave the same advice to few others he works with who also have apparently benefited from it. I obviously felt very flattered but, it also made me realize how even the smallest things we do or say can have an impact on somebody somewhere...phew that sounds pretty powerful.

As I think back, all of these little incidents made me realize that however insignificant we think we are, we still can make a difference in many lives and the goal should be to make a positive difference in as many lives as we can.

My family.

2007-09-24T09:30:00.000-04:00

Mommy headed back to Hyderabad last night and as I am typing this, I have this empty feeling. I miss having her around.. especially this morning missed her saying Good bye and all the little things she used to say before I left for work like 'be careful while driving', 'drink some fruit juice', 'don't skip lunch', etc etc I am sure I will miss having her around when I go back home in the evening. Sometimes I drift off into this dreamy idealistic world and wonder why all of the family that I am close to cannot just live together in one place.. then there will be no need for meetings and partings and meetings again again...

Well, when we were in the airport last night, there was this one lady who was traveling back to Bangalore and she was generally chatting and asking about us and at one point she asked me how long I was in the US and when I said about 13yrs..she immediately said 'Oh.. so you are almost an American then'.. I was like 'huh...well, maybe but, not really' and then she asked me if we visited India often and when I said yes, she replied 'oh the typical 3 weeks/20 days vacation right and you think that's enough' and I just scrambled and mumbled something like 'oh no.. not enough, but, you know vacation.. ' and then I quickly realized that I was trying to justify something to this total stranger which was not worth it. I could brush this off there in the airport but, it sure made an impact on me and got me thinking about it...I kept wondering if this 3 week vacation once in 2 yrs to India is all that is needed to keep the ties and bonds strong with our family.
Who is really my family.. when someone asks this question I still tend to think of my family as mommy, daddy, anita, chandu, avi, abhiram, etc etc but, then some people react that some of them are really my extended family. So, when did 'my family' become 'extended family'. Does that happen when we get married or when we have our own children. But, no.. how will that work because mom and dad think of us as their family but, now we think of them as extended family.. this is really confusing.
It doesn't matter end of the day as to what kind of family they are.. they are 'my family' after all and I will continue to wait for that day when we can all be together without these meetings and partings and meetings again and again... well.. at least I can keep dreaming....

Back to School

2007-09-20T09:26:00.001-04:00

We had the 'Back to School' night at Wicoff (Avi's KG school). It was nice and since this is my first exposure to the education system here in the US, I was constantly comparing it with my schooling experience back in India which in itself is changing quite a bit I heard. I do understand how the emphasis here and now is about learning through experiencing and experimenting rather than just through instruction. But, I was just surprised when the teacher went through the daily schedule for the Kindergarteners . Here is how it goes:
8:45 - 9:00 - Children arrive
9:00 - 9:15 - Children give notes from home and settle down for circle time
9:15 - 9:45 - Circle time
9:45 - 10:10 - Center time
10:10 - 10:40 - Snack time
10:40 - 11:10 - Activity of the day (Gym, computer, library)
11:10 - 11:30 - Back to class and Dismissal

Essentially, they do formal sitting down and learning activities during the 'Center time' which is for 20-25mins. I know they are definitely learning something through out all the activities but, coming from a traditional old-school mentality, I think of just writing, reading and math as learning :-)
I think the way activities are split up is good so they are not doing the same thing for too long given their short attention span but, I was just amazed how different this is from the time I went to school. I remember sitting in the class for the whole day with different 'periods' and one teacher coming in after the other lecturing us about different subjects. We had 'Games' (called Recess now) once a week for about 30-45mins. I am so glad its lot more hands-on now for Avi..

Are your listening ears turned on?

2007-09-12T09:38:00.000-04:00

Avinash said one of the ground rules in his Kindergarten class is to 'to keep your listening ears turned on' I wonder how we can enforce that skill in the grown ups??
Have you ever wondered during a conversation or meeting if the other person is really listening or just waiting for their turn to talk or rather rattle out. More and more I find many people doing the latter.. which baffles me to say the least and I catch myself either saying 'Fine but, how is it related to what I said' or I just concede and think to myself 'it doesn't matter.. whatever I say or do will be to deaf ears' leading me to just stay shut and go about my business.
I never really understand how we can help people become better listeners...

Oh.. what a year

2007-09-10T09:15:00.000-04:00

He has smiled
He has turned over
He has crawled
He has stood up and tried a few steps
He has had a few sniffles and lots of giggles
He sure has been busy and kept us busy

This friday (9/14), Abhiram will turn 1. Its been an action-packed, sometimes stressful and mostly fun-filled 1st year and hope we will have many more as we see our kids grow and build their 'wings' to fly out of our nest to form their own.....

We made it through...just fine

2007-09-07T09:39:00.001-04:00

The week I mentioned in the last post has passed by and off went Avi on the 'yellow school bus' to the big Wicoff School. I am so glad I have it behind me now. After a sleepless night on Wednesday, we all woke up bright and early on Thursday, Sept 6th. I was getting all nervous about the bus ride, the school, the after school care and what not. Chandu worked from home so he can be with us. We went to the bus stop around 8:20 and oops.. saw a bus come and go.. after a brief sprint to the bus stop, the other parents told us it was the bus going to Middle School and I could see them hold back their amusement as they saw us all frazzled and fussing around with our camera, backpack, name tag, etc.
After a few minutes of chatting and telling the other parents how 'excited' Avi was to be in Kindergarten and how confused we were with the whole school system, the WEK-5 bus arrived. Avi got on the bus and chose to sit in a row that was almost out of my sight unless I jump up to catch a glimpse. We followed the bus through for a while and then realized how silly it looked as some of the older kids on the bus were very amused and pointing fingers at us and giggling. So, we decided to just go to the school and wait there.
Once at the school, to our relief we found other equally nervous, confused and excited parents waiting for their buses to arrive. Our bus arrived, Avinash got down and was feeling a little awkward seeing Chandu and I with our cameras and confused looks.
He went in and I got back to work with a million thoughts on my mind ranging all the way from 'will Avi eat his lunch ok, will they take him safely to Millstone river school in the PM, how will I handle when he goes off to college, how often will he come visit once he is at college....' and the mind wanders on and on.
I made it through the day somehow and we went back around 5 to pick him up at the EDP center at Millstone River School. Avi saw us and immediately said 'you need to sign me out' and then he said 'Mommy, I was a little nervous but, I got better'. His teacher told us 'Avinash was very good and helped us make the rules for the class'. This helped me feel so much better and I felt so proud of him for being so calm, patient and brave through this first major transition into being a 'big boy'.

Friends, Family and Food

2007-09-04T10:59:00.000-04:00

My idea of a perfect vacation has been to go away from the daily huzzle buzzle with a good friend and a good book. We had a wonderful looong weekend after a long time. Sobhan and family had come to spend the weekend with us and it was soo good to catch up with them. We felt really good to be able to just pick up from where we left off and I guess thats how friendships are.. u never really 'lose touch'.. you can still kinda stay connected without really talking every day or every week. So, here are a few quotes on friendship that I remembered over and over this weekend:

'Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one."'

Those truly linked don't need correspondence. When they meet again after many years apart, Their friendship is as true as ever.

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

Watching him grow..

2007-08-30T09:33:00.001-04:00

A week from today, Avi starts his Kindergarten and the thought is making me go through so many mixed emotions. Its amazing to see how much he has grown, learnt and already built a personality of his own in these 5.5 years and at the same time, I feel sad seeing him grow his own "wings" ready to fly into this big world (hopefully all good). I am definitely guilty of being over protective.. I catch myself almost trying to build a little cushiony net around while he is biking... always have an eye out for his classmates to make sure he is well protected and prepared against the so-called 'bullies', etc...etc

I hope Avi helps me learn and figure out how to let him be him without holding on too tight, experience life on his own, learn from it and grow up to be a wonderful human being, a lovy dovy son to us, big bro to Abhiram, caring and charming hubby, just an awesome person to be with, positively impacting every life that he touches directly or indirectly.

Of course, he can be all this to all the different people but, he will always remain my sweet little first prince.. love u Avi baabu - Mommy

Points to ponder

2007-08-29T09:58:00.000-04:00

"When someone hurts you, cry a river, Build a bridge and get over it!".

"If you don't understand my fears and my insecurities, you didn't understand me at all..."

"Silence can convey lot more than a 1000 words when you listen with your heart"

Terror in Hyderabad

2007-08-28T15:21:00.000-04:00

Its happened again...some merciless, senseless terrorists have claimed 43 lives and have scarred thousands of people for life. I miss being in Hyderabad now.. the city has always been so full of life and has been a perfect example of secularism.. you see so many Hindus and Muslims live harmoniously as caring neighbors and friends. Although, it is the capital of Andhra Pradesh, Hyderabad has always been more cosmopolitan where you can experience so many mixed cultures and cuisines.

Obviously, such heinous acts of terrorism are not justified anywhere and this time the pain is so close to heart since it happened in my Hyderabad. How can anyone in their sane, conscious state of mind justify killing so many innocent people.. oh gosh. when will these people be brought to justice? Does God have an answer/justification for why he lets such things happen?

Tryst with destiny

2007-08-15T11:09:00.000-04:00

“ At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance..... We end today a period of ill fortune, and India discovers herself again"

India's 60th Independence Day is today and I feel so nostalgic. Am reading the 'Kite Runner' and for some reason constantly reminded of my carefree childhood in Ammasandra and Hyderabad... wish I could relive those moments. I remember the days we used to run up the little hill to play hide n' seek behind the church, remember the days when we played cricket in front of the temple grounds, remember watching Daddy play Badminton on those sunny sunday afternoons... remember the excitement before the sunday night movies in the open air theater that we got to go only if we 'behaved' and earned it throughout the week :-)... remember the bicycle races that ended with scraped knees and bruised elbows.
I miss being so naive and innocent with little to no expectations for myself or anyone.. was just capable of living in the moment and enjoying life as it is....

"My blue" Reynolds pen takes me back in time

2007-08-14T16:30:00.001-04:00

I have been using a very old handbag of mine for a change. This morning, I managed to pull out my very old Reynolds pain. It took me back some 20yrs when I used to consider 'my blue' Reynolds pen as my most priced possession and I used to be very possessive about it and used to put in lot of effort to mark my pen so everyone recognizes it and doesn't mistake it to be theirs. At that time when I was in college, this was a very popular pen that most of us used. I used to be naive enough to believe that it had some magical powers that makes me do well in my exams. Thinking more, I actually haven't found another pen that writes so smoothly.

I am not exactly sure when I became less attached to it.. perhaps when I started my quest into the world of programming and the internet...my usage of pens and pencils gradually declined as I got more and more used to the electronic mail instead of our good old snail mail.
Now, that I found 'my blue' Reynolds pen, I will use it more..:-)

Father of the nation...Mahatma

2007-08-09T09:11:00.000-04:00

We watched the much talked about 'Gandhi, My Father' lastnight. I thoroughly enjoyed the evening.. For one, its been a long time since Chandu and I went out by ourselves without the kids.. thanks to mommy and nanny and secondly I just love movies that showcase the intricate human relationships.

I had my doubts before watching and was wondering how the director would have treaded this subject which was to show what Gandhi was 'not' to his son, Harilal. I think Feroze Abbbaz Khan did a very good job and dealt with the subject very delicately being very careful to not show either Gandhi or Harilal in the wrong. Each of them were right in their own way which is exactly how most human relationships are.. there can be differences in opinion, hatred and anger between people but, neither one can be truly categorized as the villian. In most cases its either just circumstances or just different wavelengths that cause this rift. This was beautifully shown in this movie.

It shows very well how difficult the relationship can be between a 'Larger than Life' father and his son who unfortunately don't think alike.
Anyway, I am now off to read the 'My experiments with truth' one more time. I think I will view it in a different angle this time.

Full time job= Part time parent

2007-07-23T15:13:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about this weekend.. does holding a full time job automatically mean I am being a part time parent. Is that the right thing though? Sometimes I go through this whole guilt trip that perhaps I am not giving my 100% to the most important.. most rewarding job which is raising and moulding my childrens' lives.. teaching them the right values.. helping them exploit all their potential and build upon them.

I don't know how other working parents do but.. the thought kinda scares me that I may not be able to do all that I want to and need to for my kids... am just hoping I can discover the art and science of successfully juggling through all the different roles I need to play and still stay sane and enjoy most of the moments :-)

Talk to my brain

2007-07-17T16:00:00.000-04:00

I had another 'huh... hmmm....huh' moment while trying to get Avi ready and out the door this morning. Here is how it goes:

Avi chuckling while trying to eat his cereal
Me: Avi.. hurry up, eat your cereal. Why are you laughing? What's funny?
Avi: I don't know.. My brain is making me laugh.. I cannot stop
Me: Well.. tell your brain to make you eat soon
Avi: I cannot see my brain. If you can, can you talk to it and tell him to stop me from laughing and make me eat soon?
Me: hmmm.. ok.. huh.. ok (trying hard to stop laughing myself)

Well... what can I say.. as I said he makes me proud, smile, think and ofcourse sometimes frustrated and angry too :-)

Raising kids is not just about helping them grow.. its also about how we grow with them since they will surely make us think and see things in a entirely different light....

Maine Pyar Kiya

2007-07-13T15:34:00.000-04:00

Wow.. can't believe its been a week since I last posted. It doesn't mean I didn't rave, rant or have random thoughts.. its just that I had one too many of these and had no time to post or rather gather my thoughts together.

Well, I suddenly remembered this dialog from a movie (Maine Pyar Kiya) I saw many years ago which is something like this...'Dosti mein no sorry, no thank you' (You don't need to say 'sorry' and 'thank you' in friendship). Is this really true? Don't friends need to be appreciated or apologized?
At the time I heard this for the first time, I was in my teens and found it very cute and romantic :-) but.. now I just don't fully agree with it. Am I just losing the zing....in life???

Interview with God

2007-07-06T12:22:00.000-04:00

See the presentation here (click on View Presentation)

THE INTERVIEW WITH GOD

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

“So you would like to interview me?” God asked.

“If you have the time” I said.

God smiled. “My time is eternity.”
“What questions do you have in mind for me?”

“What surprises you most about humankind?”

God answered...
“That they get bored with childhood,
they rush to grow up, and then
long to be children again.”

“That they lose their health to make money...
and then lose their money to restore their health.”

“That by thinking anxiously about the future,
they forget the present,
such that they live in neither
the present nor the future.”

"That they live as if they will never die,
and die as though they had never lived.”

God’s hand took mine
and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked...
“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons
you want your children to learn?”

“To learn they cannot make anyone
love them. All they can do
is let themselves be loved.”

“To learn that it is not good
to compare themselves to others.”

“To learn to forgive
by practicing forgiveness.”

“To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.”

“To learn that a rich person
is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.”

“To learn that there are people
who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned
how to express or show their feelings.”

“To learn that two people can
look at the same thing
and see it differently.”

“To learn that it is not enough that they
forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”

"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.

"Is there anything else
you would like your children to know?"

God smiled and said,
“Just know that I am here... always.”

Are you my friend.. please don't vacate

2007-07-05T13:55:00.000-04:00

"Best friends are the worst tenants. They capture your heart. They pay no rent. They don't vacate easily. And when they leave, they leave the place broken"

Did I miss it?

2007-07-05T09:17:00.000-04:00

I have been watching recordings of Indian Idol and Star Voice of India shows last couple of days.. I love talent shows especially singing.. I envy folks who can sing since I feel that is one talent that you can carry with you wherever you go and can instantly entertain everyone around you and yourself.
I was awed by the amount of talent that is out there and how such shows have been a platform for all these folks to perform and shine. Anyway.. I was wondering if there are others out there who also have some talent but never knew they do and hence never even tried... will everyone who has some talent know it somehow..and end up using it? Does God or whoever showered this talent on them create situations for them and others around them to know about it.
Do I have some talent like that I just missed to exploit myself.. did I misinterpret the signs??? I wish if I do have something, I can discover it now at least....

The power of 'why'?

2007-07-03T10:55:00.000-04:00

Avi has been mastering the skill of questioning everything. I guess this is a good thing in general showing his curiosity which enables lot of learning. Here is an excerpt from his conversation with daddy (his taata - grandpa in Telugu) and mom (ammamma - grandma in telugu).

Avi: Why does Taata need to go back to India this weekend?
Mom: Taata needs to go to work
Avi: Why does he need to work?
Mom: Because we need money
Avi: Why?
Mom: Because we need money to buy stuff for you and baby brother?
Avi: Why can't he go when he runs out of money?
Mom: Hmm...
Avi: Why do you spend all the money that tata gets at work?
Mom: Hmmmm....

As you can imagine, some of the questions from kids are innocent but can make you dumbfounded searching for something sensible to say so we don't look stupid :-)

Where is it gone? Can I pause or rewind?

2007-07-02T14:21:00.000-04:00

Suddenly I feel like life is going in a 'fast forward' mode.. wish I could hit the 'pause' or sometimes 'rewind' button so I can re-live the moments with new found wisdom :-)

If today is the last day to live????

2007-07-02T10:54:00.000-04:00

I just read this Stanford Commencement speech by Steve Jobs .
I think he articulated the points very well and it did make me think quite a bit and am sure it must have had quite a profound impact on the students who heard him on that day.
Well.. the one point that got me thinking and quite restless is this question: 'will I be doing what I am doing today if this was my last day to live'... the reason it made me restless is because the answer was clearly 'No' and whats even more frustrating is that I don't know what my true passion and so the quest continues.....

Why am I blogging?

2007-07-02T10:43:00.001-04:00

Well.... am I just doing it because others are doing it or do I want to believe that there are folks out there who are interested and care about what I am doing and thinking?

I think I am doing it more because I have been having so many random thoughts recently and am hoping this can be one way to organize my thoughts and see if they emerge into something more useful and productive. Also, I want to use this space on the web as a place to capture my thoughts and rants and raves so I can at some later time look back and connect the dots :-)