Reader alert: This post will sound one-sided (like this one)since its a woman's perception on how she feels in India today. One may argue that its not a tale that applies to all women.. I agree and I know India and Indians have come a long way in improving conditions for the women, but still there are a lot of unwritten rules and perceptions about women in India that need to change before we, women feel the playground is leveled.
While there is gender bias and other gender inequality issues elsewhere in the world, here in India we are a step or rather many steps backward in even showing basic respect to the woman in our day to day lives. I am not at all surprised by this article that says India is in the top 5 worst countries for women.
I watched this debate on NDTV this past week and it made me think deeper on why it is so hard in India to change peoples' perceptions and how our age old cultures and rituals are being conveniently used against our women. While it was heartening to listen to these ladies, it is quite obvious that all of these are not our conventional or typical Indian women, they are still very much a minority. To me personally, it has been extremely disappointing to still witness this kind of behaviors towards women in India which is being touted as an emerging economic superpower.
Looking back, for many previous generations the role of women in the house was pretty clear cut.. she was intended to be the homemaker, the man was supposed to be the bread winner who works outside the home. Women never questioned much, never asked for a different role and never thought they could do anything differently. There is really nothing wrong in such role definitions, but what one will also notice is this perception that grew over the years that women were inferior and household work/bringing up a family is a much easier/inferior job. Such beliefs and perceptions defined women's status in the society. While there were some non-conventional women who broke this mold and went out to actually get educated and build an outside home career, those were very small exceptions.
Gradually, starting somewhere in the early 70s or so, our society and families started actively sending their daughters to school, supporting them to get a higher education and take up jobs, build careers. But, even until early 90s or so, the general acceptable norm was that the woman's career or job would and should take a backseat as soon as she gets married unless she is extremely lucky to get a 'Forward thinking' and 'supportive' husband and in-laws.
As the economies started progressing and lifestyles became more and more luxurious, it became imperative for both husband and wife to be earning members to lead a "comfortable" lifestyle. This was also the time when more and more women started getting into workforce not just out of need, but with just as many goals and ambitions as their male counterparts. It is at this time, that we started hearing more and more about the issues women face on a daily basis at work, at home and in short everywhere.
I am going to try and wear my logical hat and not get too emotional about this subject and will just explore three aspects of our life and the kind of issues women face to make my points clear. By the end of this all, my intention is to point out that it is not just the big reforms and reservations that will make women feel empowered and safe in India, but the simple, smaller changes in behavior and perceptions that can go a long way in her day to day battles.
Day to day: Women being treated as inferior beings is deep rooted in our society and this is apparent when you deal with anyone (auto drivers, support technicians, bus drivers, clerks, etc, etc)... their starting assumption is that women are weak, dumb and merely useful for mundane household work or as objects of pleasure. From a very young age, it seems like an uphill battle for women in India to just be treated with respect and as equals.They will have to prove to be smarter, louder or richer than the fellow-male to be taken seriously. You go to a Govt office or any office for that matter, women are not taken seriously, they are assumed to be doing whatever they are doing for 'time pass', they are pushed around and someone who stands up and pushes back is termed 'fighter cock'. There are a number of other limitations(big and small) women run into day to day like for women using public transport is not safe at all times of the day, getting license renewed in the local RTO office by yourself will mean dealing with lot of stares and inappropriate comments and gestures.
At work: While there has been lot written about the glass ceiling, etc, I think the issues that irk women lot more is the day to day bias they feel at every step.
First of all, when you start a job or any career path as a woman, you have to work doubly hard to prove your worth. This used to be lot more prevalent before and is slowly changing for the better now in some industries like healthcare, IT, etc. But, in some others like politics, government service, police, military, etc., there is definitely a bias and still very hard for women to even get in.
Second is this general perception that women are not as dedicated or committed since they have too many family responsibilities that compete with their responsibilities at work. Most companies hesitate to put women in leadership tracks assuming they will not be as committed or competent once they get married or have kids. 2 things I want to highlight here:
I agree, there are now, increasing number of men participating and sharing the burden of the household, but they are still far and few in-between.
For example, our maid who works in 2 houses is out of the house working very hard and spends about 6-8 hours working to make few thousands of rupees each month. She tells me how her husband works in the construction sites and his work is seasonal and doesn't work all the days. But, even on days he doesn't work, he is expected to relax, go out and do 'his' thing while the responsibility of her 4 children, the household work, cooking, cleaning, etc is entirely on her for 365 days/year. She is scared to ask her husband to do any more in the fear that he will blame her nagging and stop coming home in the evening/night.
While you may think this is because of lack of education and exposure in them, the situation is no different even amongst the educated families. You may find 1 in 100 families, where the husband and wife truly share the responsibilities of the family. In India, these expectations about women come not just from your husband or family, they come from the milk man to maid to driver to watchman and if they see the man of the house in the kitchen or god forbid near the sink cleaning some dishes.. the woman of the house is labelled as "Rebel", "Different" and the man is ridiculed to be "hen pecked".
Bottom line is, once we, as a society learn to respect our women and recognize them as equals, we will begin to see true women empowerment. Respect does not mean Worship, just recognize her as a fellow human being with, just as much potential as you do and all else will follow.
So, I think as a mother of 2 boys, the best I can do is to train them to treat their women well and with respect.
While there is gender bias and other gender inequality issues elsewhere in the world, here in India we are a step or rather many steps backward in even showing basic respect to the woman in our day to day lives. I am not at all surprised by this article that says India is in the top 5 worst countries for women.
I watched this debate on NDTV this past week and it made me think deeper on why it is so hard in India to change peoples' perceptions and how our age old cultures and rituals are being conveniently used against our women. While it was heartening to listen to these ladies, it is quite obvious that all of these are not our conventional or typical Indian women, they are still very much a minority. To me personally, it has been extremely disappointing to still witness this kind of behaviors towards women in India which is being touted as an emerging economic superpower.
Looking back, for many previous generations the role of women in the house was pretty clear cut.. she was intended to be the homemaker, the man was supposed to be the bread winner who works outside the home. Women never questioned much, never asked for a different role and never thought they could do anything differently. There is really nothing wrong in such role definitions, but what one will also notice is this perception that grew over the years that women were inferior and household work/bringing up a family is a much easier/inferior job. Such beliefs and perceptions defined women's status in the society. While there were some non-conventional women who broke this mold and went out to actually get educated and build an outside home career, those were very small exceptions.
Gradually, starting somewhere in the early 70s or so, our society and families started actively sending their daughters to school, supporting them to get a higher education and take up jobs, build careers. But, even until early 90s or so, the general acceptable norm was that the woman's career or job would and should take a backseat as soon as she gets married unless she is extremely lucky to get a 'Forward thinking' and 'supportive' husband and in-laws.
As the economies started progressing and lifestyles became more and more luxurious, it became imperative for both husband and wife to be earning members to lead a "comfortable" lifestyle. This was also the time when more and more women started getting into workforce not just out of need, but with just as many goals and ambitions as their male counterparts. It is at this time, that we started hearing more and more about the issues women face on a daily basis at work, at home and in short everywhere.
I am going to try and wear my logical hat and not get too emotional about this subject and will just explore three aspects of our life and the kind of issues women face to make my points clear. By the end of this all, my intention is to point out that it is not just the big reforms and reservations that will make women feel empowered and safe in India, but the simple, smaller changes in behavior and perceptions that can go a long way in her day to day battles.
Day to day: Women being treated as inferior beings is deep rooted in our society and this is apparent when you deal with anyone (auto drivers, support technicians, bus drivers, clerks, etc, etc)... their starting assumption is that women are weak, dumb and merely useful for mundane household work or as objects of pleasure. From a very young age, it seems like an uphill battle for women in India to just be treated with respect and as equals.They will have to prove to be smarter, louder or richer than the fellow-male to be taken seriously. You go to a Govt office or any office for that matter, women are not taken seriously, they are assumed to be doing whatever they are doing for 'time pass', they are pushed around and someone who stands up and pushes back is termed 'fighter cock'. There are a number of other limitations(big and small) women run into day to day like for women using public transport is not safe at all times of the day, getting license renewed in the local RTO office by yourself will mean dealing with lot of stares and inappropriate comments and gestures.
At work: While there has been lot written about the glass ceiling, etc, I think the issues that irk women lot more is the day to day bias they feel at every step.
First of all, when you start a job or any career path as a woman, you have to work doubly hard to prove your worth. This used to be lot more prevalent before and is slowly changing for the better now in some industries like healthcare, IT, etc. But, in some others like politics, government service, police, military, etc., there is definitely a bias and still very hard for women to even get in.
Second is this general perception that women are not as dedicated or committed since they have too many family responsibilities that compete with their responsibilities at work. Most companies hesitate to put women in leadership tracks assuming they will not be as committed or competent once they get married or have kids. 2 things I want to highlight here:
- First, I completely agree that it is infact true that women tend to bear lot more of their family/household responsibilities and also in most cases tend to be the ones who will opt for a slower pace at work or drop off midstream. But, if the same people who accuse women of not enough commitment at work, think for a moment and ponder themselves as to why they cannot also share those 'family' responsibilities, that would be a good beginning and we would probably not have this inequality in the first place.
- Secondly, we know that most careers are becoming very demanding with little or no regard given to proper work-life balance. This demanding work place cultures, coupled with diminishing support systems, means its very hard for two thriving careers in one family. So, in most cases its the women who are expected to slow down or take a break. Empowering and encouraging women doesn't happen by having reservations for them or hiring a certain percentage of women, but it will happen when companies are willing to introspect and create a truly family friendly work culture in which both men and women are encouraged to have a good work-life balance.
I agree, there are now, increasing number of men participating and sharing the burden of the household, but they are still far and few in-between.
For example, our maid who works in 2 houses is out of the house working very hard and spends about 6-8 hours working to make few thousands of rupees each month. She tells me how her husband works in the construction sites and his work is seasonal and doesn't work all the days. But, even on days he doesn't work, he is expected to relax, go out and do 'his' thing while the responsibility of her 4 children, the household work, cooking, cleaning, etc is entirely on her for 365 days/year. She is scared to ask her husband to do any more in the fear that he will blame her nagging and stop coming home in the evening/night.
While you may think this is because of lack of education and exposure in them, the situation is no different even amongst the educated families. You may find 1 in 100 families, where the husband and wife truly share the responsibilities of the family. In India, these expectations about women come not just from your husband or family, they come from the milk man to maid to driver to watchman and if they see the man of the house in the kitchen or god forbid near the sink cleaning some dishes.. the woman of the house is labelled as "Rebel", "Different" and the man is ridiculed to be "hen pecked".
Bottom line is, once we, as a society learn to respect our women and recognize them as equals, we will begin to see true women empowerment. Respect does not mean Worship, just recognize her as a fellow human being with, just as much potential as you do and all else will follow.
So, I think as a mother of 2 boys, the best I can do is to train them to treat their women well and with respect.














